I have been dating someone for the last month or so. We talked on occasion for about 3-4 months before finally going out on our first date when we both felt was a huge success. Great guy. We’ve seen each other several times (and this is of course after months of phone conversations, emails and chats.) We are both recently divorced. Oddly enough, we both separated within 2 weeks of each other and our individual divorces were final within 2 days of each other (finalized about 6 months ago.)
I like him…lots. He clearly likes me. But he has told me many times that he is not over the ex…doesn’t want to hurt me or anyone…in the next breath he says he is crazy about me…can’t wait to see me again. I am amazing (etc etc). If I come back with anything at all similar he goes into “We don’t have to rush things” mode. (I agree…always. Taking things slow is the ONLY option.) He then asks me if I am thinking about the future…I say at times…he says he can’t stop thinking about me throughout the day. But if the conversation is allowed to progress he reverts back to the “I know I have emotional issues…I don’t want to hurt anyone with them.” I have to admire his honesty.
He is back and forth and he knows it. He admits it fully. I guess that’s understandable. I don’t get it. Apparently the ex would never sleep with him to a point that he literally paid his own wife for sex a few times and he knew that when she would give in once a month or so she didn’t enjoy it at all. Why would someone want to be stuck in that rut? Who knows? He says he would never get back with her but on one occasion slipped and said “When we get back together…I mean IF we were to get back together…it wouldn’t be good.”
My marriage and divorce were both difficult…I’ve spent the last year ALONE to sort out my emotions and although I still feel some hurt and resentment I also have some pride and dignity as well as hope for happiness in the future. This guy? Not so much.
I really enjoy talking to him. We have NOT slept together and neither of us plan to do this until we are sure something will come of it…but I’m almost certain I am setting myself up for an eventual heartbreak. I’ll never convince myself in my OWN mind to walk away for now…so help me? (P.S. I don’t want to walk…but do I even have an option?)
