[MIApac]

I was with my girlfriend for two years and we broke up about two months ago. It was something that I never really intended to do, I always wanted to marry her and regretted breaking up with her. We had a bunch of issues that we never addressed and I was afraid of our future. She was depressed from career setbacks and accused me of not being there for her when she needed me the most, which she said hurt the most.

Also not helping matters was her relationship with the rest of her family and her controlling domineering mother. She still lived at home and both of her parents and her siblings can’t stand her. They see her as an unwanted burden, unlike her sisters who are both married with families of their own and have successful careers. They wanted us to get married so she would move out and they would be free of her problems. While my ex loved me and wanted to get married, another reason was because she thought that would make her parents and sister accept her but I don’t think that would’ve changed anything.

When we were together, her mom would constantly scream, berate and argue with my ex-girlfriend in front of me, which made it uncomfortable to be around her family and I had a tendency get quiet whenever I was uncomfortable. Her parents caught on to that but assumed I was quiet because I didn’t like them. I felt like it was not something I could talk to them about, so I was stuck in a no-win situation. I was also bothered that they would never even apologize about the constant airing of family dirty laundry. I liked her family and all but this made me think that her parents didn’t have any class.

Towards the end of our relationship, when we started having our problems, my ex-girlfriend used to tell me that her mother started to say bad things about me. Like that I was immature and would never find a steady job because of my personality. She also told me that I reminded of one I reminded her of her sister’s, ex-boyfriends, who she wanted to marry but he never wanted to commit. My ex-girlfriend even tried to gauge how long I was willing to continuing to pursue a career that I would probably never be successful in.

So we broke up and she took it very hard. She continued to try to contact me to get me to take her back and while it was something that I wanted to do, I wasn’t quite ready to talk to her yet because I thought the timing wasn’t right. I wanted to spend some time away to rediscover myself.

Three weeks after we broke up I learned that she already had a new boyfriend. He was somebody who she knew growing up and had always had a crush on her. He also has a steady job and could probably propose to her if they were to get serious. I’ve also heard that he wasn’t as good looking as I was and is just as desperate to be in a relationship as my ex-girlfriend is.

She then wrote me another email asking if we could be friends. In the same message,she also gloated about how great her new boyfriend was. She told me that he was everything that she was looking for in a guy all along, he had more in common with her and felt that we should’ve broken up sooner and were wrong for each other, which really upset me and I told her not to contact me again if that was how she was going to talk to me.

After some thought, I realized that I still loved her and wanted to get back together with her. I sent her a note explaining how I felt and sent it by mail. A week later she sent me a text message and bluntly told me that she wasn’t interested in getting back together with me. We had another brief phone conversation in which I explained myself and while she listened to me and even seemed stunned when I told her that I was going to eventually propose to her, she again told me how much better her new boyfriend was compared to me and seemed very angry at me.

Since that point we haven’t had any contact with each other, except for a birthday card and a brief message calling for a truce but I have yet to hear from her. I do, however, still talk to one of her friends who tells me about how she’s doing. She even saw her out with her new boyfriend and told me that they did not even look like were that serious or affectionate towards each other. She didn’t even introduce him to her. My friend also told me that my ex-girlfriend looked as if she had gained some weight and from looking in her, she had this look of sadness in her eyes. But when my friend asked my ex how she was feeling, she told her that she was madly in love with her new boyfriend and had never been happier, even though they’ve only been dating for a month and a half.

I’ve also heard that she has yet to introduce him to any of her friends and family members except for her parents. At the same point in our relationship, I had already met everyone in her family and all of her friends. My friend alluded that some of her other friends are either too afraid to tell that this relationship is nothing but a rebound or they did and she isn’t talking to them. I also have reason to believe that the reason she’s jumped into this relationship is because of her mother and her parents desire to be rid of her, along with her own hurt feelings and desire to feel loved. I also heard that she liked the card I sent her but her mother has demanded that she ignore all of the messages I send to her and if they persist to let her father know. Her father is a prominent attorney with a lot of connections.

My friend also noticed a few things from looking at her Facebook page. She told me that she hasn’t uploaded any pictures of her and her new boyfriend. She’s made mention of him but hasn’t used a picture of them together as her profile picture. I also noticed that the timeline cover picture that she uses is a picture that I took of something that we did when we were still together. I also noticed that most of her friends and her family haven’t defriended me, except one of her sisters who always used to tell my ex-girlfriend that I never liked her family, which is odd because her husband didn’t defriend me.

I haven’t exactly been sitting around pining for her all of this time. I’ve made a lot of new friends and have been learning new things, like salsa dancing and have gone out on a few dates. I’ve also been working out and changing my personal style. But despite all of this, I still think about my ex-girlfriend and think that she still has feelings for me, despite this new boyfriend. Do you think she still has feelings for me? But if she won’t talk to me, then how I can try to get her back? What I do about her parents?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Do you think she still has feelings for me? [/quote]

I think she’s moved on with her new boyfriend, after a two year relationship with you, where things didn’t work out. 😳

[quote]But if she won’t talk to me, then how I can try to get her back? [/quote]

I don’t think you can right now. I think it’s more important that you move on and learn from what did and didn’t work in this last relationship so you can choose better in the next one. 😉

[quote]What I do about her parents?[/quote]

Nothing. They don’t approve of you. Find someone to date with whom you’re more compatible and who isn’t living with her parents. 😉

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[88maroon]

hello,
That was very long, but that’s good because it had a lot of details.
I’m all in for the romantic/cliche things that could happen. I’m a romantic.
If she has a new bf I honestly would move on. Not even think about her.
I know it’s hard because of the feelings there. It’s not going to happen overnight.
I like the fact that you are trying, made new friends, going on dates, and trying new things.
Just try to move on and if some how you guys meet again and are both single. You guys can try it again.
And for her parents….I wouldn’t think too much about that.
Parents approval is very important! Very important to have their approvals. But it’s not the most important thing. As long as both you and your gf are happy .Then what more can you do if her parents don’t approve even when you haven’t done anything wrong.
Best wishes and I hope you can find someone who is more mature because rubbing things in your face is not cool.

[MIApac]

Well I have an update of sorts. Recently my ex-girlfriend contacted me, at first to see if we could be friends but then she started asking me other questions about my life, such as if I was seeing someone. Eventually she admitted that she had been thinking about me a lot and that still had feelings for me. We finally discussed everything that had gone wrong in our relationship and cleared the air on many misconceptions and misunderstandings that we had about each other and how we felt about each other. It turned out that a lot of what I had thought about the breakup wasn’t true at all.

Over the weekend, we met for dinner and decided to start over. We both decided that this wasn’t a continuation of our old relationship, rather it was a entirely new and different one.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good luck! Thanks for letting us all know how things are going.

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