[kath2012]

Hi, so I have quite a story here.. Firstly I think you need to understand what kind of couple me and my ex-boyfriend we’re; We started to be friends in high school. He was pretty reserved and a complete nerd. I was the opposite; crazy and outgoing. From there our relationship grew and we became close school friends. I was way out of his league and he knew that. So even if we had this amazing chemistry between us nobody made the first step. In 11th grade he came to my house and because of alcohol we’ve been together now for 3 years. Our relationship kept on growing and became very intense. We had a lot of passion and honesty..But with that came drama, jealousy and we completely forgot about our goals in life. Since we we’re always together we started to fight a lot and we started damaging our beautiful relationship. In our last year i made very little efforts while he was trying to keep everything together. I brought the drama into our relationship most of the time. And we are still very young, him 20 and me 21.
So this October 2015 my ex wanted things to change between us but didn’t know how to proceed. We always had hope no matter what the situation was..But in December we had a big fight that made him want to take a break for 5 days. The fifth day he texted me a very long message to explain that he won’t get back with me. I of course wanted to know why and he replied that what I’ve done was the confirmation of his decision. I went to go see him at his house and he showed me a picture of my Facebook; i researched my ex on fb in these 5 days..The thing is he did that in the first year of our relationship and i gave him a very hard time about it; i forgave him but i nagged about it through out our relationship. So he told me i was being very hypocrite and he couldn’t take the fact that i made him feel bad about it when i myself did it. I explained to him that i did that out of curiosity and now i knew that it was actually not a big deal. But he told me it was also about everything we’ve been through! He had enough. I of course cried and told him i realised i never made efforts and i will change. He didn’t believe me but still wanted to come over “once last time”. When he came over we had an amazing night. The next morning i asked him what was going on with us and he was confused. He still loved me very deeply and i was ready to change. Time passed and through out this time we kept seeing each other. He was very busy so he was being very distant. And also because we weren’t together anymore but only trying to but only trying to understand if we would get back together.
You should know that all my life i was a big ball of drama so for me to change in a few days was very hard so i made him angry a few times..But we were making a lot of progress and we both made efforts. We were becoming closer and i made him feel like maybe we could actually get back together. BUT he was still confused and was scared to come back because he didn’t want to go through this again. And then i made this last big mistake..
About 2 weeks ago i went out with my best friend (he knew her very well) we drank and party as usual. My best friend’s boyfriend came to pick us up and we all went to her house. We were still pretty drunk. They started to have there thing in their bedroom and i was going to sleep on the sofa. Then My best friend called me in the room and everything was dark. She started to touch me and then i’m sure u know where this is going. However i did not do anything with her partner. He was just there feeling her and then i left the room. I remember it made me feel very uncomfortable and i didn’t even like it so that’s why i left the room after 5 min being with her. After i came back to their bedroom and layed next to them. They started to do it again. I however kept my distance and tried to sleep. Her bf came on the bottom of my shirt and that was it. The next day i wasn’t feeling anything but when i came home and i was alone with my thoughts i started to feel very guilty. Me and my ex always cherished our loyalty and honesty; we told each other everything. We told to each other that if one of us would cheat we would never get back together. It was our fundamental value. I thought i could keep it to myself but my guilt was just becoming stronger. I loved him and i thought he deserved to know.
So a few days later i woke up with him and told him everything. Note that we still didn’t get back together. But let’s face it we did everything a normal couple would do. He was pretty disgusted but he wasn’t that mad surprisingly since it was a girl and my best friend I’m guessing..he didn’t want me to touch him and wanted to leave. I knew if i wouldn’t shut up he would leave quicker. So i kept my distance and when he was finally leaving he told me as usual we will see each other again and i love u but i cant believe you cheated on me and i don’t know if i can forgive you
3 days passed without any contact. The next day i texted him at night and he wanted to see me. So he came and stayed at my house for 3 days. We went to the movies and ate at the restaurant. Like i said before i tell him everything so one of my issues was that i was still feeling guilty. It was eating me alive. So i kept on talking about it and crying. He told me to stop it and that he didn’t even forgive me yet. The last day we were together was 6 days ago..while i was cleaning my room he made a joke about threesomes. I replied that ive been thgough it. He started to ask me questions like what do you mean and he was starting to get very upset and confused. I told him i used that word because it was true. My best friend’s bf was in fact in the room with us. I may have used other words to explain that before so that’s why he started to think i wasn’t telling the whole truth. I asked him why was he getting upset since he knew all the story. He told me that he had a feeling that i wasn’t telling the whole truth and he didn’t realised before this that the word threesome disgusted him more than he thought it would. I started to get very nervous so when i was telling the story again it didn’t make sense. He started to get ready and he was furious. He didn’t want me to touch him and wanted to leave. He told me i cant trust you and i don’t believe in you, you made to many mistakes! I tried to stay calm. He missed his bus so he stayed longer. After eating together and not talking. I told him that yes i made a mistake but he should know me better then make his mind go to places it shouldn’t go. And i forgot to tell you that i broke up with my best friend because she was a bad influence and he knows that.
Anyways after he left I felt very bad so when he finished work the same day i came and told him i was there if he wanted to see me. So he hadn’t much time to think about what happened. We went to grab a bite and then he needed to go home. When he left he again told me the same thing. I love u and we’ll see each other again. The next day at 3 am he sent me a text saying that he didn’t want to get back together anymore because he was disgusted by what i did and he wasn’t sure if i actually told him the whole truth, he didn’t want to be haunted by the wonder of what if she did like i once was by his lyings. He told me not to try to convince him and that i needed to leave his stuff on my balcony. He probably spoke to someone and made his own researches. He also told me that he would send a screenshot of a conversation i had with my ex best friend about how she wanted to cheat on her boy friend. He told me it was because of her and he felt like being a dick to her. I did not ask him to not send it because i was overwhelmed with mt own situation. And i was about to fall asleep but couldn’t anymore. I told him positive things about how this mistake can only make us stronger etc he always had a negative thing to say, of course he was mad and he had finally the time to think about it. I told him that we could learn from this and it doesnt mean we should end things and forget all our progress. He just wanted to go sleep so he told me to stop texting him. I said if u wont talk to me ill take a taxis to come and see u because you cant expect me to say alright buddy. he probably got scared and he asked me “ok what?” I told him a lot of things i don’t remember what exactly but i just wanted to convince him one more time. I know now i should of kept my mouth shut and stop talking about what ive done to him because it raised useless thoughts for him. He said and i quote “ok look well see now can u stop texting me so i can go sleep” i asked him if he could call me for 5 mins. He told me not to ask him for to much so then i asked him i don’t know are you gonna think or should i just leave u alone? He told me “yes please” after this i contacted my ex best friend via Facebook to tell her to be careful because my ex boy friend could destroy her own relationship. I still care for her..if he went snooping on my Facebook he saw my conversations with her and probably thought the worst. That i was in fact hiding stuff but i was only trying to save her.. but anyways he didn’t even send it to him and i dont know why.
1 day later i passed by his workplace and he was there with 2 girls. One with whom he works with (there good friends since they always work together one by one and she’s very pretty) and im guessing her friend because i don’t know her. I didn’t want them to notice me so i left when they started to leave. When i left the building all 3 of them were 5 meters from the door. They were all turned away from me but the girl he works with saw me. So i think she definitely recognized me and told my ex. He probably told her he didn’t care and then she started asking questions. You know nobody in his entourage likes me and he has lot of influence on him and he’s filled with bad thoughts. So after she took a good look of my face I turned direction and walked away. I was actually with my cousin witch is very tall. So if my ex saw me walking with him he maybe thought i was with man (he doesn’t know my cousin). But that’s only if the girl actually told him anything. But she’s a girl and she’s friends with him!
Well the next day i woke up and realised he blocked me from Instagram and my other best friend. Not only he did that but he took of his profile picture witch was ours. I told him that if he took it off it would hurt me very much and i know he remembered that. He also deleted all his pictures on the account and put a new one like he was starting over. He already deleted me once but he still left the profile picture and a few pictures of him in the past. He never blocked me! I think because he was never mad until that day. I didn’t understand because he didn’t do that when he sent me the well see text one day before. Maybe he didn’t have the time i don’t know.
The next day i made a badoo account and i saw he was one of my friends on it. I guess it adds friends just like that. I however blocked him right away and thought he wouldn’t see me. But the thing with badoo is even if u block someone they can still see ur profile. So in the evening i realised he wasn’t there anymore. I thought somehow he found a way to wipe me out completely. But when i logged out and searched for him i noticed he just deleted his account because it said sorry the page your trying to look up is no longer available..I cant believe its just because of me. Maybe i just made him more mad because he felt like i was stalking him..or just because i visited his profile (u can see when people visit your profile)
So yea..sorry for my long ass story but i wanted u to fully understand what im living. I understand not all relationship can last forever but i am not looking for negative replies. I still want to continue my efforts and defend my actions since he’s probably very angry and is trying to move on even if he said ill see. Btw he still didn’t bring his stuff maybe because he doesn’t want to see me yet. So what i wanna know is how can i get him back after all of this. How can we continue making progress and be happy. Why is he acting this way and could i have at least a 1% chance of making things right. Please help me. I don’t want our story just end after seeing so much hope. It’s been a week now and in this week that’s what happened. But no contact was engaged. Maybe he wants to get back at me or hurt me or he doesn’t want me to check up on him. He wants to start fresh.. he’s probably now trying to restrain himself even if he misses me because he knows if he’ll come back he’ll want to hug and kiss me again. Or he even might be interested in someone els..how can his anger make him forget his love for me..maybe its just a big misunderstanding and he thinks im being with other men while his dealing with the cheating story. I just rly want make things better and know we could be happy together, we just need to put the past behind us. I know its gonna take patience and time but we wont have to become strangers.maybe he think i did something with my best friend ‘s bf. Anyways a lot of question and to much analyzing. I think he is trying to forget about me. I am aware that i cant force someone to do anything. But i still have hope and i would appreciate only positive advice. Anything but letting him go. We have unfinished business don’t u think!? What should i do?
The end

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]So what i wanna know is how can i get him back after all of this. How can we continue making progress and be happy. Why is he acting this way and could i have at least a 1% chance of making things right. Please help me. I don’t want our story just end after seeing so much hope.[/quote]

Got it. This is tough because you both feel like you cheated on him, and you both agreed that if either one of you cheated, you’d break up. In addition, you’re both relatively young and this is a first love, which makes the pain that much greater. 😳 I think that you’re both stuck in a pattern of engagement that’s negative, gossiping, blocking each other — and if you want to try and give him a chance to forgive you, then I think you have to be extremely kind, generous and humble. Stay out of gossip, and don’t engage in any negativity. At the same time, give him a chance to really miss you. This will be difficult because I know you’re anxious to get back together, but he’s got to have the opportunity to heal and decide if he wants to forgive you. Allow him that, and allow yourself the opportunity to practice impeccable behavior. 😉

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