[Anonymous]

I will try and explain this fully so that you guys can understand. I’m a 18 year old girl from Canada. My boyfriend is 19 and lives in Ireland. We met on a online interactive gaming site over 2 years ago now and my real life friend on the site introduced us. We weren’t looking for dating or a relationship and i had become super close friends with him very quickly. Within 4 months we were extremely close. Anyways, after lots of talking and a year and a half of knowing each other he game here this summer.

Now enough of the history of our relationship! I have two friends that I know in my real life. one that goes to school with me (she’s the one that introduced me to my boyfriend) and one that I know from the same town, but we were actually more of online best friends. For a while, I’d get jealous of my friend from school because she met him first and she seemed a lot more fun and friendly with him than me. I started telling my guy how jealous I got and he was nice about it and said that i had nothing to be jealous about and that he’s just good friends with her. He assured me that they were not as close as we were.

However, I have a huge problem with being jealous of others, in any given situation. I believe that everyone is so much better than me and that I’m no fun compared to others. Its a bad view to have no doubt, but I’ve been like this since early childhood. This problem normally only affected me and how i felt, but it began to start affecting others. And here comes the huge problem I need major help with.

The second girl i know from town but talk to on msn a lot is where the problem lies. I got over my jealousy with the other girl, and she is my best friend ever. I love her to death. My jealousy however had moved else ware….to the other girl, who at one point was such a great friend to confide in…
I introduced this girl to my guy about 4 months before he visited this summer. We all became close friends and It was a lot of fun talking together. But then… my jealousy started to kick in. I felt as usual, that she was more fun and exciting to talk to. In our conversations, i would stop talking because i felt left out and as if i wasn’t part of their inside jokes like I used to be. I told my guy how i felt on numerous occasions…. and when i say numerous, i mean A LOT of occasions. After so many times of saying how i felt to my boyfriend about how jealous i got, he started to get annoyed. He always tells me the same things over and over, and why i never remember it for the next time I get jealous i never know…

So with this problem occurring, but not that huge yet, my boyfriend comes to visit…. my one friend that im not jealous of is gone for a month and a half, so that leaves lots of time with the girl i am jealous of. We spend so much time with her, and i try to hide my jealousy for a couple of weeks. However the feelings of jealous escalate to crazy heights when i start feeling my confidence in myself weaken hugely, and seeing how funny and beautiful she is and how much they get along begins to sicken me. I need to tell him. And then it begins, and let’s just say, it gets really ugly. We fight almost every time we hang out with the girl. He has had enough of my jealousy and doesn’t think i should be worrying. He calls me annoying and a *****. So many things. In my head, i am agreeing with him, but my emotions are telling me to get rid of their friendship. I forgot to mention that my boyfriend is a very shy guy and it is hard for him to make friends. Having friends when he visited me meant a lot to him.
Near the end of the summer, I have an outburst, she sits on him while I’m in the bathroom and i come down and can’t take it. “She’s only playing”… I’m trying to convince myself… I leave them alone and go cry in the bathroom. They realize I’m gone and come looking for me. They find me and my guy tries to talk to me but i won’t let him. She leaves and my guy gets mad beyond belief. She feels extremely bad and now months later, after he’s gone, my boyfriend doesn’t forgive me. He’s still with me and still loves me. But I tore apart a friendship that meant a lot to him. They still talk, but her and I don’t.

I know i was wrong. How do i fix this? I’ve tried to be friends with her but its too awkward and weird now. She didn’t know how badly i was feeling and she feels like she’ll mess it up if we all 3 hang out again. I hate being this huge jealous type. Is there anything i can do to try and fix this, stop being jealous. Please help me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Let’s start backwards! You clearly see the pattern in your behavior. Your jealousy drives people away from you. If you continue, you will lose friends, boyfriends and possibly more people in your life because they will not want to be around your dramatic behavior. [i]So decide to stop acting out.[/i]

This is a discipline and if you feel you’re about to say something inappropriate, leave the room. Little kids get “time out” from their parents to help them learn to control inappropriate behavior. Be your own parent, and give yourself a time out when you feel bad behavior coming on. Remove yourself from the physical situation or hang up the phone or log off the internet. This will prevent the outbursts.

As for the feelings that lead to the bad behavior, you’re going to have to bolster your self esteem to feel like you are worthy of being the one and only girlfriend with any man. If you always feel like someone else is better than you, you’ll never be able to keep a man. 😳 This goes for friends, too. If you don’t feel like you’re good enough to be a friend with someone who has other friends, too, you won’t be able to keep a friend. So think about what it is you bring to a relationship and why that person is lucky to have you in their lives. Also understand that you will not be the one and only person in anyone’s life ever. Your boyfriend will have other female friends and acquaintances. Your friends will have other friends. Understand this and you’ll be able to allow other people in your life instead of feeling the need to cut them out because you’re threatened.

I hope that helps. Let me know how it goes, and I’ll see you on Facebook: [url][/url], and I hope you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter. 😀

[Member]

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