[Michaela]

I really need your advice right now April, because I’m starting to feel paranoid. I’ve been noticing things about my boyfriend’s behavior, but I’m not sure if I’m right. I feel like he’s lying to me, yet I still believe him even though deep inside I want to stand up for what I think is true I just can’t seem to do it. What I end up doing is believing whatever explanation he gives. For example, one night he came home drunk and a friend told me she saw him at a bar with another woman. When I asked him about it he said the woman was his boss and that he was with other coworkers too. I just chose to believe him so the issue wouldn’t get bigger, but deep inside I feel like I believe my friend more. It’s like there’s a voice telling me my friend is telling the truth. I also noticed that he makes me feel like I’m the one at fault whenever I ask questions about things that bother me. Sometimes I catch myself apologizing even when I don’t think I did anything wrong. I love him and I want to trust him, but I can’t ignore what I’m feeling. How can I prove if my instincts are right and how do I recognize if my boyfriend is already manipulating me?

[Logan]

Love does not mean that you sacrifice your self-respect and your intellect. Your “gut feeling” is your best friend. If you feel like he is lying, there is a 99% chance that he actually is.
You said that if you start apologizing, even when you aren’t at fault. This is called “gaslighting” in psychology. Instead of answering your questions, he puts you on the defensive. When you ask something, and he gets angry or makes you feel guilty, he is actually using the best defense is offense policy to hide his own wrongdoings.
You are simply with someone who is taking advantage of your innocence.

[Member]

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