[Joshua]

Hi April,
I’m Joshua 25 and I’ve been dating this girl for about four months. Things are going well most of the time but she keeps bringing up her ex boyfriend and I’m not comfortable with those conversations. and sometimes I notice her texting or being secretive with her phone. I don’t wanna be controlling but I also wanna make sure I’m not ignoring possible red flags.

I really care about her but I also need to feel secure in the relationship. How do you even handle something like this, where you’re not sure if your partner’s still in touch with an ex, without creating tension or looking paranoid? Are there signs that show if it’s harmless or something to worry about?

[Nabiha]

When someone talks about their ex repeatedly, there are only two reasons: either she hates him, or she misses him. It’s been four months, and this should be the honeymoon phase where she shouldn’t have eyes for anyone but you. If her ex is still sitting in the ‘front seat’ of her mind, then you are just the driver; someone else is still the owner!
You need to be honest for once and say, Look, I have no interest in your ex, and hiding your phone is off-putting to me. If you’re still there mentally, please don’t waste my time.
You need to be a little “detached.” When a girl feels like you’re getting out of hand, that’s when her secret texting will stop, or the truth will be revealed forever.

[Marco]

Well, you have to protect your emotions and your peace of mind, so it’s not wrong to ask for security in the relationship. You’re just trying to avoid getting hurt and making a mistake in the end.
It can be difficult if you don’t confront it, but if you do, you’ll likely get a more honest answer.

[Member]

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