[Anonymous]

Last June, she started working for my company, on my team. We both had long term boyfriend/girlfriends and we both were not the happiest in them. We started seeing eachother in secret. Within one month I broke up with my 6 year girlfriend and moved out. She told her 3 year boyfriend who moved to California (expecting her to come too) that she needed space and didn’t plan to move with him.

She lives with her sister in AZ and her sister is the only one who knows she was seeing me. Her parents loved the ex boyfriend and gave her hell for leaving him (they are really family oriented and close). She told them she needed time being single for a while so they wouldn’t think she was just dumping the ex for some new fling.

We saw eachother until Dec 23rd, when she told me she wasn’t sure she was over the ex still. She drove from phoenix to cali to see him a week later for the weekend, then two weeks later he came to visit. She missed me a lot and told me that she didn’t feel the spark with him anymore. We started hanging out again in secret.

It’s been 3 months, seeing eachother at work everyday is hard because we have to be professional. Now her sister and family believe she is “just taking off from guys”. So we take off early from work to see eachother, have sex at her place before her sister gets home or my place or see a movie or get ice cream.

She doesn’t like lying to her sister about her whereabouts so dates get cancelled a lot when family stuff comes up so it’s hard. In the beginning she would get very jealous of other girls I would be around but lately she hasn’t been very jealous, and that worries me a bit. Her mother checks her phone records (yeah, i know) and she asked who I was since we texted all the time. Now she texts me far less. Not only that, but the texts she does send have gotten far less mushy. I’ll go to hold her hand and I feel like there is not as much desire to hold mine as there was before.

I’m a good looking, fit, intelligent guy and I make good money. So is she. I’m normally the one the girl chases after and right now I feel like I am the one chasing. This girl is everything that I think is beautiful in another human being and I don’t think I will ever find her equal again. I’m normally really cool and confident but right now I am nervous as hell, so much so that I don’t really have an apetite this last week.

She is studying for some very hard exams right now and I worry about putting too much pressure on her, but each day is like a small torture to me.

What can I say or do to turn this around?
Should I tell her I think it’s over and hope she misses me enough to come back?
Should I make her jealous by going out a lot to have fun (but not cheat)?

Help! I’m waiting for a response before I do anything dumb.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The first thing you need to do is stop dating your girlfriend secretly. If she doesn’t care enough you to tell her parents she’s dating you, then you really shouldn’t date her. Why on earth would you date someone who was ashamed of you or wasn’t willing to tell her parents about you? 😕

If she’s too busy with school and you have a good relationship basis to start with, giving her space while she studies for finals wouldn’t be a problem, but your entire relationship is based on secrecy, so giving her space feels like you’re drifting apart. In addition, she’s back and forth with her other boyfriend.

I think that if she’s willing to date you “out of secret” then you can pursue her “normally”, but if she isn’t willing to do that, then there’s not really a relationship to pursue. You’re just her hobby.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Member]

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