[JustLearning88]

Hi. Let me start by saying, that I didnt think I would ever be in this situation and I took all the precautions you usually consider.

My ex and I were in a long term (supposed to be) monogamous relationship. I found out he was cheating on me with over 30 women. He had a sex addiction and I tried to be understanding, but he kept cheating, so I ended it. I got tested for std’s about 4 weeks later and everything came back normal. I thought I was fine.

I was wrong!

It’s been a year and I showed no symptoms, and hadn’t been with anyone new. I had starting dating someone for the first time since my ex. When we became intimate, it was extremely painful and I bled. I got tested again because I didn’t think it was normal, but we were intimate two more times and once without protection.

Two days later I received a call and I tested positive for Chlamydia. According to my doctor (and countless online siurces) you can have a false negative Chlamydia test for up to 6 weeks and since I showed no signs until I had a new sexual partner a year later, it went unnoticed. I took the single dose of antiobiotics prescribed as treatment and told my boyfriend that night. He said he was fine with it, that it was just a bacterial infection and he would go get tested and treated just in case and it would be all ok in a week. It’s been a few days now and he hasn’t been mean or anything, but he has seemed so distant.

I have never had such a wonderful relationship before and I don’t want to lose my boyfriend over my ex’s infidelity issues. How can we renew, fix, grow our relationship from this, instead of it falling apart? I am pretty sure that neither of us want that. He is exceptionally reasonable, I just don’t know how to handle the situation.

Please, help me fix my relationship.

[Ask April Masini]

I’m happy to give you advice, but first, help me with the time line a little bit.

How long did you and your ex-boyfriend date?

When did you break up?

When did you start dating your new boyfriend, and how long have you been with him?

I’ll look out for your responses and answer you as soon as you write back. 🙂

[JustLearning88]

Of course! And thank you in advance.

My ex and I were together for about two and a half years. And had been in a relationship for a year and a half before that (as high school sweet hearts 10 years before that). We broke up just over a year ago. I got tested right after, but didn’t know there was a possibility of a false negative or the time line for such a huge over sight (which unfortunately I fell into).

I haven’t dated or slept with anyone else since my ex until my new boyfriend, because I knew I needed time to heal from the experience of being cheated on by the same guy (that I really loved) with so very many different women. It really was brutal and took a good tole on my self esteem for a while.

I started dating my boyfriend about two months ago, and we only just became active right before I found out almost a week ago. I honestly only found out because I noticed the first time (and right away I might add) that it was extremely painful and I bled a lot. I still wouldn’t even know, if we hadn’t become intimate, because I literally showed no other signs ever.

Let me know if you need to know anything else and thank you again.

[Ask April Masini]

Got it. So this is only a two month old relationship that is showing signs of distance. I know it seems like the STD is the reason for the distance, but it could really be something (or anything) else. When a relationship is that new, you’re still in the getting to know you stage, even though you’re having sex. However, if it was your news about the STD that spooked him, then he’s probably wondering what else you may have been exposed to, and how that will affect him.

My advice for future, is that since you do have this sexual history, now, you should be more vigilant about your health and the way it may affect others — as well taking precautions to protect yourself, given what you’ve been through. I don’t think you should have unprotected sex without having a talk about your past and what you’ve been exposed to — without your knowing it — but nonetheless, exposed. This also protects you, as well as any partner. Plus, it will show that you’re thoughtful, responsible and including the other person in the decision to have unprotected sex given this past. And… it opens up the conversation to the other person’s history.

Difficult conversations can actually create intimacy and bring couples closer together.

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