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I’ll try to make this as short as I can…

I met a girl online a few weeks ago. She had emailed me first. We met in person shortly after exchanging a few emails. We had a great time and it seemed as though we hit it off really well, but I’ve thought the same thing in the past, only to find I was completely off. Not knowing how things would turn out, I received a “wink” from another girl and we also began emailing back-and-forth. The second girl and I agreed to meet up in person for the first time, but I informed her the day we chose may not work for me because my parents, who live in another state, may be coming into town to stay with me that day.

During the time the second girl and I began talking and agreed to meet up, the first girl and I went on a few more dates, and things between us, so far, have amazing. We’ve kissed and are very affectionate towards each other. A couple days ago I even spent the night with her at her house (we did not have sex or anything though). Things have gone way better than I had expected to this point. Because things with the first girl and I seem to be going well and I really like her, I thought it would be good idea to cancel my first meeting with the second girl. While it was 100% true my parents did, in fact, come into town the day we were to meet, I easily could have made it work but used that as my reason that I couldn’t meet up. The second girl was left with the impression that we would still meet once my parents left later in the week.

Well, through the normal course of conversation with the first girl, I found out that the two of them are very good friends. In fact, the night I ended up staying at the first girl’s house, the two of them had dinner together less than a half hour after I got there! While the first girl and I have not talked about what is going on between us or being exclusive yet, I am at the point where I don’t want to see anyone else and would feel guilty doing so. I want to put all of my effort into the first girl.

Here is my question…if things continue to go as well as they have with the first girl and continue to progress the way I hope they do, it’s only a matter of time before I meet the second girl, whether it be a “first date” or through the first girl because they are such good friends. How can I tell the second girl that I don’t think it would be good idea for us to meet for the first time any longer without, A) it being awkward if we do meet in the future in a non-dating situation, and B) without it making me look like the kind of guy that dates a bunch of girls at the same time (which I truly am not)? Also, while I have not yet told the first girl any of this, I do eventually plan to if things continue to progress. When I do tell the second girl I can’t meet her, should I mention it’s because of her friend?

Thank you for any advice in advance!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Here is my question…if things continue to go as well as they have with the first girl and continue to progress the way I hope they do, it’s only a matter of time before I meet the second girl, whether it be a “first date” or through the first girl because they are such good friends. How can I tell the second girl that I don’t think it would be good idea for us to meet for the first time any longer without, A) it being awkward if we do meet in the future in a non-dating situation, and B) without it making me look like the kind of guy that dates a bunch of girls at the same time (which I truly am not)? Also, while I have not yet told the first girl any of this, I do eventually plan to if things continue to progress. When I do tell the second girl I can’t meet her, should I mention it’s because of her friend?[/quote]

Good questions! 🙂

Since you’re interested in focusing your energy on the first girl, my advice is not to date the second girl at all, since they’re friends and you clearly like the first girl the most. Don’t give an explanation because since they’re friends you don’t want to reject the second girl, but rather let it go nowhere because you’ve met someone you’re interested in. That should happen starting now. In fact, if you feel pressed, you can say just that you’ve met someone you’re interested in, and don’t want to play the field or mislead anyone. When the time is right (and you’ll have to be the judge of that), because they’re friends, it’s better to come clean with the woman you’re dating about what is an honest coincidence — that you almost dated a friend of hers, but didn’t because things were going so well with her. Don’t dramatize it. You didn’t do anything wrong — and neither did they! 🙂 Instead, simply chuckle over the fact that it would make sense that you’d like her friends, but you’re not the kind of guy who plays two best friends against each other, and you’re really glad that nothing happened with the second girl so it’s not any more awkward than it is!

What you’re describing does happen more often than you’d think — but not necessarily with online dating. Sometimes people find out years after dating someone in college that that ex has married another friend they’ve been out of touch with. The best thing you can do in these circumstances is laugh them off as funny coincidences, and then continue to be true to yourself and the person you’re with. 😉

Hope that helps!

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