[wen5155]

This is a very difficult question. My son is 29, slim build, 5’10”, IVY league grad. The problem is, he has never had a GF. He’s not gay. He dates girls all the time. He meets them out at bars, or at events, or through online dating sites. But…he rarely gets a 2nd date, and almost never the 3rd. I don’t think he is good looking and the girls are not attracted to him. He wants a girl who is pretty, sweet, smart…the whole package. But, these type of girls are not interested in him. He isn’t attracted to overweight girls, ugly girls, or silly uneducated girls. How do I tell him to lower his standards? How do I tell him he isn’t good looking enough? Won’t this destroy him? He’s already feeling depressed and lonely. All the rejections are very hard to take.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, it sounds like the only problem you see with your son are his looks which you describe as not very good looking. What you need to understand is that women fall in love with men, more often than not, because of their confidence, their success, their sense of humor, charisma — looks definitely help, but that’s not what most women who want a meaningful, longterm relationship are going for. Don’t get me wrong — he needs to be well groomed and fashionable enough to get their attention as someone who’s normal, but he doesn’t have to Brad Pitt or Robert Pattinson. 😉 So, his appearance is not the problem.

Second, I’m not sure how many women he’s approached, but know that dating is a numbers game, and sometimes you have to date a lot of people before you find the right one, however….. my philosophy is that you need to date smart to date well. And that means knowing what you want, and what you have to offer (easier said than done) and not wasting time (yours or hers) with someone who doesn’t have what you want or want what you offer. If he’s asking out random women based on appearance only, he’s not doing the work required to be successful in dating.

Third, there may be something going on between that first and last third date that can be changed, and without knowing more details, I can only guess. I think you should get your son the book I wrote for men who want to win with women. It’s called Date Out of Your League, and while it may seem basic on first glance, it’s absolutely not, and I guarantee that if he follows the directions, tips and advice in the book, he’ll have a much more successful dating life. Here’s the link for the electronically downloadable e-book: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url].

Hope that helps!

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