[sparkle619]

hi
i am 26yrs old.. there is this guy i am in love with and been in a relationship for the past 5yrs. we are of same age group and in the same field . we stay in two different places and used to meet once in a month or so. we used to be in touch over phone and text msgs. The problem was before we could mentally get prepared to be with together, our parents have taken us for granted .. though it was all fine by me, it was a little difficult for him . he did be with me for all these years . since we stay apart, i was a little insecure. i wanted more from him and depressed if he missed texting me a day. we started having fights quite often. things were not going well in his career. he started to get more furious and irritated with me. He did ask once in between (2yrs ago) that we should take a break, but i insisted that we should work on our relation. he has been cold with me since then.

now,( 5yrs later) ..i am doing well in my career but he hasn’t settled yet. he is messed up for the past 2yrs in his career . he is frustrated and angry about not giving him a break 2yrs ago wen he asked for , about not letting him go when he wanted to instead held on, about losing the single guy fun at college and making him commit . we broke up 5mnths back.i stayed aloof got engaged in work. while he started fooling around immediately after 3wks of our break up with this another girl.. we did meet twice in between when he visited me at my place and really hit it off and got intimate again..since he didn’t want a serious relationship , i dint question him . Though i knew he was going out with another girl (his junior -college student ). we are still in touch and i am still in love with him.

A month ago , he said he thinks he is in love with her. I am broken, i want him to give us a chance. i wanna make changes on all he complained about n wanna start afresh. i was immature and insecure back then. i failed to understand him and support him when he has been struggling all these years. I FAILED TO GIVE HIM THE SPACE WHAT EVERY GUY NEEDS …i know am certainly more mature and sensible. how should i make him think about us again ? how should i make him see and feel that i have changed, not the same nagging insecure person he used to complain 2yrs back. i wanna start a relation afresh with him .. please help me. he is the love of my life. and its my mistake that i hv lost him today. i wanna give us a shot once again ..rekindle the love lost and get back the happy days in our lives again.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Unfortunately, the two of you had more than just a chance — you had five years together! And you can’t suddenly start out anew after a five year relationship.

But here’s what you can learn from what happened. Long distance relationships are difficult — more difficult than relationships where you’re in the same area. They require trust and patience. It sounds like [i]you[/i] were impatient and [i]he[/i] blamed you for his staying in a relationship he wanted out of. He didn’t do what he wanted to do and blamed you for his own behavior. If he wanted “a break” all he had to do was take one. It would have been easy enough not to see you since you were out of town, and he didn’t have to take your calls. But he did. He stayed in the relationship with you that he didn’t want, and it sounds like it didn’t get better for him — or else it didn’t get better enough. When you finally did break up, he moved on. Now you have proof of that, and you want him back. This relationship didn’t dissolve because of you — it was a mutual dissolution. You both did things that helped it fail. So don’t blame yourself for things that he did.

I’ll answer your questions one by one, but the bottom line is to learn from your mistakes — and one of them may have been staying in a long distance relationship when you needed more than long distance, and he wanted out altogether. In addition, I hope you’ll see rejection as a gift because it is. You shouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you….. you should want to be with someone who’s happy and excited to be with you. 😀 When someone moves on, it’s a gift because it gives you the clarity you need to move on and find Mr. RIght. This break up will hurt because it’s a long-term one, but you can do it! 😀 😀

[quote]how should i make him think about us again ? [/quote]

You can’t make another person think a certain way. You can try to be the girlfriend he needs — but the reality is, you had the chance and you weren’t that person. 😳 This is the moment to absorb the lessons learned for next time. 😉

[quote]how should i make him see and feel that i have changed, not the same nagging insecure person he used to complain 2yrs back. [/quote]

You had two years to do this, and it didn’t work. That was your chance in those two years…. 😳

[quote]i wanna start a relation afresh with him .. please help me. he is the love of my life. and its my mistake that i hv lost him today. i wanna give us a shot once again ..rekindle the love lost and get back the happy days in our lives again.[/quote]

You can’t start fresh after five years and a five month break up behind you. That’s history. It’s part of who the two of you will always be. And if you do enter into a relationship with someone where you decide to give it another try, it’s because both people want to give it another try. He agreed, two years ago, to give it another try and it didn’t work for him. 🙁 Going forward, figure out how the two of you went from happy days — to a break up — and use what you learn for future relationships to choose better and/or make them better. 🙂

[b]Check out my new FB Fan Page!! And If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” me — and tell a friend!
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[sparkle619]

yea , thats true .. i totally blew off . The truth is hard to accept though,. But if fate is kind enough on me by any chance, i would definitely make him feel better about me and about ‘US’. Rest is destiny. i wish i had realised my mistakes few years ago . i wish i worked a lil harder to save my love. 🙁

[sparkle619]

i did understand what you said .. Is there no other way at all ??? i would definitely like to work if there is a slightest possibility

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Look…. stranger things have happened than a reconciliation at some point down the line. However, he’s dating someone else right now (that you know of), and is probably wanting to test the waters after a five year relationship has ended. So it’s not about fixing the relationship or even just working on it any more. You’ve got competition at best, and he’s got a bad taste in his mouth from the five years he spent in a failed relationship.

I do recommend that you buy, download and read [b]Think & Date Like A Man[/b], a book I wrote for women who want to find, get and keep the guy! Here’s the link for the book: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. It has details, basics and answers to questions about how you become the girlfriend who gets the guy. I think it’s going to be helpful to you, whether you get another chance with this guy or whether you start to date others (which I recommend!).

Whatever you do, don’t chase after your ex. Don’t call or stalk him. Let him be. If he does come back to you, it’ll be because he misses you or he’s having second thoughts. But if you contact him at all now, he’s going to be reminded of the reasons that the two of you broke up, and it won’t help. 😉

[b]Check out my new FB Fan Page!! And If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” me — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

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