"April Masini answers questions no one else can and tells you the truth that no one else will."

How to deal with a non-affectionate girl?

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  • #4511
    AP1991
    Member #116,780

    I dated this girl for about a month and a half, about 2 months ago. We recently started “talking” again but the same problem seems to be reoccurring; she’s not affectionate. We have only kissed once, which is really weird for me because I am used to kissing girls the first night to be honest. She is really sweet, fair, and caring and I know she likes me, but she just isn’t affectionate really at all. (Pretty much were just friends it feels like even though I know she doesn’t think that). Even when I instigate it she will sort of go along with it but I feel like she really doesn’t want too. She is a great girl and if she just showed a little more affection I would be a happy camper. Usually I would have no problem moving on and finding a new girl, but it’s tough because she really is a great girl and I am extremely picky when it comes to relationships, the only problem is the affection aspect. I’m not saying I want a clinger, but a little cuteness or kiss here and there never killed a relationship. Is there anyway to get that point across to her (I’ve tried hinting it) or is it just a lost cause? I also want to let her know I understand on taking things slow but we just need to communicate. thanks!

    #20364
    Eleanor
    Member #127,803

    sorry, i dont know how to help you but i have communication problems with someone too, would a guy try again even his dismayed once?

    #21155
    kai
    Member #56

    I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

    [b]This is not in the forum where April answers readers questions. [/b]

    If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the proper forum, the Q & A Advice Forum:
    https://www.askapril.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=1

    #21363
    firstandlast_name
    Member #130,231

    Have you tried talking about it openly with out hinting at it? Just tell her that you like her a lot and would love for this relationship to progress into something more serious but you feel she doesn’t to by the lack of affection. Also explain that you understand taking things slow and ask her at what rate does she feel comfortable at progressing.

    #9146

    Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

    #50951
    Natalie Noah
    Member #382,516

    This is a classic case where clear, honest communication is essential. You’re experiencing a mismatch between your expectations for affection and her natural pace, which is creating frustration and uncertainty. Hinting hasn’t worked because subtle cues are easy to misinterpret or ignore, so the best way forward is to have a direct conversation. Express to her how much you like her, that you value her as a person, and gently explain that physical affection is important to you in a relationship. Frame it in a way that shows you respect her boundaries and her comfort level while also being honest about your own needs.

    At the same time, it’s important to gauge whether her style of expressing affection aligns with yours. Some people are naturally more reserved or slower to show physical closeness, and that’s not inherently negative it just may not meet your expectations. By opening a dialogue about what each of you needs and how quickly you feel comfortable progressing, you can determine if this relationship has the potential to grow or if your desires are fundamentally incompatible. Honest, empathetic communication will clarify both your feelings and hers, and it’s the only way to avoid lingering frustration or resentment.

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