[Nikkinoo1089]

I slept with a friend one time after I seperated from my ex partner in 2011
We were still living in the same house together as our situation at the time didn’t give us much of a choice.
I introduced my ex partner and friend and they became friends.
My now husband assumes that my ex- partner doesn’t know I slept with my friend that he is also now friends with.
When I met my now husband I was still going out with my friend whom I once slept with and other friends out to clubs/pubs for drinks and socialising with friends.
My now husband (boyfriend at the time) had issues with me being friends with the friend I once slept with while I was single!
Mind u at the time when my now husband (boy friend at the time made it very clear that we couldn’t go any further than being just boyfriend n girlfriend!!!
Anyway he clearly said I couldn’t be friends with the friend I once slept with!
He says I was hiding my friendship with the friend I once slept with from him.
(But I remember clearly complaining to my husband about that friend and what he said about our relationship)
But just say “I was hiding my friendship with the guy I once slept with”
Then when my husband came to know I’m still going out with that friend and other friends then Then he said that don’t talk to him have no contact with that friend again so I made sure that I had no contact with that friend again!

The more than 3years later my now husband decided to leave me moved out and made it very clear every other day that he wants a divorce via message!
A month after my husband left I went out for drinks and bumped into that old friend who I didn’t see or even talk to for more than 3years.
I became friends again with my old friend and went out a few times with him for drinks and he also came over to my house a few times to help me with the groceries when the car rego ran out.

Now 3 months later when my husband decided to give one more try to sort out the issues between us ( coz I told him more than million times in these 3 months that everything will be fine if we try and really want to save our family)
so my husband came back and went through my phone and came across a photo with that friend in the back ground!
I went out with that friend a few times for drinks in those 3 months after my husband left,moved out and asked for a divorce and my friend came to my house a few times to help me with groceries as the car rego on the car ran out!

My husband feels I tried to hide it from him even if he thinks I did it didn’t work.
I told my husband so many times that he’s just a friend nothing more than that but husband doesn’t trust me anymore and really overreacted!!

Is it okay for him to Overreact at me and have issues with whom I am friends with after he leaves, moves out and asks for a divorce?

Does any of the past have relevance in the present situation?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Is it okay for him to Overreact at me and have issues with whom I am friends with after he leaves, moves out and asks for a divorce?

Does any of the past have relevance in the present situation?[/quote]

Let’s skip the question about it being “okay” for your husband to overreact, and just focus on his behavior. He’s clearly very upset, and he’s engaging you in a lot of negative behavior. I think that he is digging up the past and he’s looking for a fight. Going through your phone is a sign that he’s got some problems trusting you.

If you want to keep the marriage together then you have to let go of what’s right and what’s wrong — because that scenario is going to make someone wrong and that’s not conducive to healing a relationship. Instead, try to keep things positive. Take responsibility for what you’ve done that may have led him to feel angry and hurt. Instead of taking the stance that he asked for a divorce, so you started dating, tell him that you think that there was an unfortunate misunderstanding and you were devastated that he wanted a divorce, and took him seriously. Ask him what you can do to make things better. Tell him how much the marriage means to you and what you love about him and why. Get it?

Next, consider what’s going on with him that’s put him in this state. Clearly, he’s all over the map with the relationship, and sometimes people have career problems, family problems, health problems — overt or covert — that they try and suppress, but end up projecting onto someone else (you). See what’s going on as a more global problem instead of a micro-problem, and you may have better results in the relationship.

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