[Anonymous]

I just found a photo of my husband’s privates texted to a number I didn’t recognize on his cell phone. I checked the phone records and found that he had been texting back and forth to this person for over a year. My instincts told me that it might be his ex, so I called the number and asked for her and what do you know, it was her! We have been together for 9 years and married for 3. They dated for 4 years prior to us getting together. So I confronted him about this last night. I told him I knew that he had been in contact with this woman, etc… He says that she contacted him in order to “catch up on each others’ lives.” He says it was innocent and that he actually asked her to stop texting him so that I would not find out and get mad. When I asked him about the photo I saw of his privates he said that he meant to send it to me but accidentally sent it to her to which she replied, “WTF?” Anyway, he doesn’t think he has done anything wrong by staying in contact with her. I feel betrayed and disgusted to think this has been going on behind my back for so long. I feel like a fool for not catching it sooner. I don’t know what to do. I feel sick to my stomach all day long thinking about this. He said last night that he would change his number so she can no longer stay in touch. I would leave him in a heart beat but we have a 2 year old son who ADORES his dad. Oh, God… what should I do? Do I try to forgive him? Do I call and confront her? (She’s married with 3 kids and apparently her husband knows all about the texts and doesn’t care.) I am sick with this. Please help.

[Ask April Masini]

You’re in a very bad spot. If you stay with your husband, he’s not going to change his behavior. What he did was flagrantly wrong, and his excuses and lack of an apology show cowardice and narcissism. If you divorce, you’re going to break up a family and the one who will be hurt most is your toddler. However, you’ll have to figure out what kind of a family you’re holding together, and whether there’s a family left TO hold together.

What I can advise you is NOT to confront the other woman. If you do, you’re going to make things worse. This is STRICTLY between you and your husband. As for your “forgiving him” 😯 has he actually ASKED for forgiveness? Because you seem to paint a picture of him not admitting wrong doing. In fact, he thinks this was all a big joke and isn’t interested in your feelings or how it affects you at all. 😳

You need to really make him aware of how deeply he’s hurt you. If he really doesn’t care, then you’re not going to have an easy ride for the next 16 years until your toddler is of majority. I would make sure you don’t get pregnant again — that’s for sure.

All that said, I think you have to take an honest look at your marriage and while I’m not blaming you, I don’t think that his behavior happened in a vacuum. Has your sex life failed? Have you let yourself go? Is there anything YOU can do to make your marriage a place where he wants to be full time?

I hope this helps — I know this is hard for you and getting through it will be even harder, but you can do it!

Get some more support on my group Facebook page at this link: [url][/url]. I’d love to see you there — and it’s free to become a member. 😀

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