[mary]

Hello! I was hanging out with a man but i became confused. I don’t know if i want a friendship or more than that. Meanwhile i am avoiding him and sending mixed signals when we meet and that is obviously hurting him and i can’t stand that. What do i do? Do i give up? Do i spend more time with him? Do i tell him something and if yes what? I think saying that i am confused sounds harsh. What do you think? What is the best way to handle this?
I do feel infatuated but my feelings seem to be fluctuating a lot. So that makes it hard for me to decide. Please help me. I have pain when i think he will go out of my life. However i am confused as to whether he is the type of guy i want for a life partner and that is what i am looking for. 🙁 🙁

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If he asks you out on a date, then you should go and get to know him so you can make a better decision. 😉 Dating is [i]a process[/i] — not an end-all. It doesn’t have to be so serious. It can be a great way to get to know a man and find out if he’s compatible with you and if you like each other enough to go out on another date.

The key to dating well is knowing yourself, first and foremost. Know what it is YOU want in a man and a relationship and know what you’re willing and able to give.

Start there, and see if that doesn’t help you sort things out. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[mary]

Hello April and thanks for answering my question.
I am not sure i am attracted to this man. Do i still date him if he asks or is it a waste of time?
And it gets a bit more complicated than that?
He seems to have feelings and at the same time there is a friend of his interested and that friend got me curious. Do i just forget about both men? We hang out together sometimes so it sounds complicated. What do you think?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If the first guy asks you out on a date, go! You like him enough to be uncertain — so if you date him a little you’ll get to know him better and see if you want to continue dating him. The same goes for the second guy.

As I said before, dating is a process that allows you to get to know people better and decide if you want to continue seeing them or not. 😀

[mary]

Thank you April for answering again. We all take the same afternoon classes and neither of them has asked me out yet. We just hang out during the breaks and a bit after the end of the last class. What about the fact the these two men are friends? The first one seems jealous and hurt when he notices me paying attention to his friend. And it gets more complicated. Both men have other women in that class really interested in them and ready to go on a relationship with them any time. The first guy i know for sure he wants to have a serious relationship sometime soon.
Do i be friends with both and see where it goes? Even if the first man gets jealous?
Do i pick one of the two and give him more attention?
I am not ready to pick, even though i have more feelings for the first man. But i am afraid that indecision will cause me to loose both chances since the other women are really pushing them and flirting with them.
Thanks again.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you like one of them more than the other, so focus your attention on him. But there’s no reason not to be friendly to both of them since no one’s asked you out yet. 😉 Relax….. enjoy the situation and don’t work yourself into a frenzy.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[mary]

Thanks again! One last thing-what about the fact that the first man gets hurt when i am friendly with the second one? It makes me even not want to smile to that second guy. How do i handle that? I hate to hurt anyone’s feelings since i have been flirting and paying extra attention to the first man. Thanks again for all your valuable advice.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]One last thing-what about the fact that the first man gets hurt when i am friendly with the second one?[/quote]

Well, what about it? 😯 Of course the second one is going to be hurt — he’s competing for your attention, and not getting it. If he wasn’t hurt and didn’t care, you’d know he wasn’t that interested in you.

[quote] It makes me even not want to smile to that second guy. How do i handle that? [/quote]

If your need to make the other guy happy is greater than your interest in the first guy, then don’t smile, and go for the second guy because you feel sorry for him. Eventually, you’ll become the caretaker for a bunch of guys you don’t want to hurt, and you’ll never find your Mr. Right. 😮

Relationships are all about winning and losing. Rejection is built in. If you can’t stand the heat…. get out of the kitchen! 😉

[quote] I hate to hurt anyone’s feelings since i have been flirting and paying extra attention to the first man.[/quote]

I know you hate to hurt peoples’ feelings, but this isn’t the last situation you’ll be in where you’re going to hurt someone’s feelings. There will be men who ask you out and you’ll say no and hurt their feelings, because that hurt is a lot less cruel than making them think you like them when you don’t. 😀 And sometimes you’ll even have to break up with guys — and guys will break up with you, ensuring that feelings will be hurt. But again, it’s much better to hurt someone by breaking up with them because they’re not right, then disrespecting them and not letting them know they’re not right and then ultimately devastating them because they’re not right, you weren’t honest, and you wasted their time and yours. Got it? 🙂

I hope this helps. Please let me know how things go, and you can follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[mary]

Thank you so much for your valuable advice! I will let you know how things go!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome! 😀

[mary]

April i am crushed! I wish i had followed your advice sooner! Just as when i decided to befriend both me this is what a happened: Today the second guy, dropped out of the afternoon classes. He showed me no interest and one of the ladies there that i know was interested was trying all the time to be with him this last time. They car-pool at the end of the day so this time i am sure she hit on him, or even manipulated something over the weekend since this man changed behavior. The first guy the one i was confused over is already flirting one of the women there. So it seems that both of them have moved and guess who ends up alone: Me. I am so so crushed and disappointed. I hate me for being confused. I hate me for not following your advice sooner and let that second man in her hands. I can’t forgive me. I know there are other men out there but i can’t believe i had 2 interested ones and i blew it.
Is there anything that can be saved now?
By the way this woman is younger and prettier and the second man is also younger by 5 years. And they know each other better since they car-pooled for some time. I have a feeling she did not show interest at first and that is why he came to me and now that she did show interest he gave up. I can’t have another chance now since he won’t take the classes anymore. I could find his number but what the hell i would only be embarrassed since i am pretty sure she cooked up something and everyone seems she is hot.
The man i am confused over is still at the classes but has this girl running after him like a cat on heat.
Please please please help me!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I can give you advice, but I can’t make you take it! 😮

While you were being confused and over thinking things, he moved on to someone who was sure she was interested in him. That’s what happens in the dating world. There’s competition. 😉

If you’re interested in a guy, you have to let him know by flirting with him. It’s that simple. 😀

I hope that helps. I’m sorry you’re upset, but look at this as a lesson and learn from it so you can adjust your behavior. 🙂

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[mary]

Thanks April for your answer. Do you think that both of these chances are gone? Is there anything that can be done with either of these guys? One of them quit the classes-this is the one i suspect got hit on by that woman who is prettier and younger. And the one i was confused over is still here, just has another woman running after him. I hate loosing it all. I hate me for blowing this up. I hate not taking your advice sooner! Is all hope here lost? I am sorry i am so worried over this-i am over 35 and so tired of being alone for so many years and repeating the same mistakes!Please advice me if there is any hope.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Wow. I thought you were a teenager from the way you were focusing on whether or not to flirt or like a guy. 😮 Given your age, you really shouldn’t waste time like this. It’s good you realize you’re making the same mistakes over and over — but you really have to stop and change your behavior. I don’t mean to be alarmist, but you need to get some basics down, NOW. My advice is that you buy and read Think & Date Like A Man, a book I wrote for women who want to win the dating game. You can download it here for $8.99 and read it tonight! Here’s the link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. 🙂

[mary]

April thanks again. I will sure buy the book. I just want to ask again is all hope lost with these 2 men or is there some plan you can give me? Please please advice me!!!!! i will be most grateful!!!!!!!!!!!

[Member]

Posts