[Sananas]

Hello April,

I have been involved in live together relation since a year, if I look backwards to the relation, it was far better than now, and we both were happier.
Particularly, our romance life, because since 6 month we hardly have any… and my partner confirms it and feel guilty for.
We talked about it many times, weather I bring the topic up or she, but it always ended with a complete silent from her or a none sense comments, then a promise that it will be better with an expression of guilty feeling and that is it, nothing would change!

It is now really tiring and getting over me, we talked again in details and the answers were (my head is not free, not in a mood, I will not do it against my will, you have to wait, if it gets over you then you have two hands but not when I am home … etc.)

I explain to her in many ways that it is not all about sex but yet sex is an important part, well at least for me apparently.

And she gets everything out of this relation, she confirms it herself

PS. She had a bad past with her EXs, this is what she claims; that they were abusing her sexually and she could not say no because she was scared to be left alone and she put this as an always excuse. When she cannot say anything and has no argument she always said “why do you all love me for sex??!!) And oh yeah, she takes kind of unti depression daily medicine.

What do I do?

Thanks

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re 33 and your live-in girlfriend is 34 and you’ve been together for a year, but the relationship has gone downhill because your sex life has flagged and she’s not interested in talking about the problem or doing anything about it. If she isn’t interested in changing anything, then the ball is entirely in your court. That means you can try and seduce her beyond what you’ve been doing, or you can explain that this is a deal breaker for you and that if the two of you can’t improve on your sex life, you’re going to have to move on. If she cares about the relationship, then she should care about your needs and desires — just as you do, hers. Sexual compatibility is important in a relationship and if she’s not willing to respect your needs, this isn’t a good or healthy relationship for you.

[Member]

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