[Splash85]

Hi, not sure where to begin with this and it’s a long story so please bare with me, but I’m 30 years old, and I separated from my wife back in September. A month after we separated I decided to start looking on a dating site, it was just a bit of a laugh at first but I met a wonderful girl, we hit it off really well but the problem at the time was I wasn’t long single so I wasn’t ready for anything yet, anyway 5 months have now passed and we’re still talking, the problem is now I feel like Ive been falling for her but I don’t know where I am with her, she’s hor one minute cold the next and we still haven’t met each other yet so I know how crazy this sounds. About maybe 5 weeks ago I decided I wanted to move on and asked her if she’d like to meet, she seemed keen at first but then she went quiet on me for a day or so then told me she wasn’t sure what she wanted and didn’t want to mess me around, I told her I felt I was getting attached to her but she then said she’s not sure if she is feeling the same spark I’m getting, and she doesn’t want to keep messaging and getting my hopes up all the time, I said we haven’t met yet though, won’t you even give me a chance? ButI accepted it anyway and said ok we’ll just stay as friends and chat occasionally. Then a couple of weeks ago we started chatting quite a lot again and getting on great and she was constantly telling me how lonely she feels all the time (she’s been single 6 years now by the way and her last relationship ended badly with him leaving her for someone else) she also asked me to send her a selfie, something she hasn’t asked for ages. We were getting on great and then she suggested meeting for a drink, and that it doesn’t have to be anything serious straight away does it. I asked what changed her mind and thought she didn’t feel any attraction for me or anything and she said that Im right, how does she really know that until she meets me and that we should just be spontaneous and meet up, we have nothing to lose. So I agreed and we decided to talk for the first time on FaceTime, it went well and although there were a couple of silences, it was only because we’re both pretty shy and never talked like this before, she did look very nervous and I think she has got some self esteem issues. Anyway we decided to make a date to meet the weekend after, things were going good, we were talking everyday and seemed to be going well, I asked her a couple of nights before if everything was ok for Friday, she said yeah I think so but i won’t lie, i am a bit nervous, I reassured her I was too and put her at ease then the next evening I asked again then she said that she really wasn’t feeling well and she promised it wasn’t an excuse, and she seemed genuine so I said ok not to worry, hope you feel better soon. The thing is though there was no mention of rearranging anything. I said this to her the next day and she said that her mind is all over the place at the minute and she’s not sure what she wants again and is overthinking things again. I said I thought we were getting closer though? What have I got to do for you to give me a chance to be part of your life? She said you don’t need to do anything, you’re fine as you are, it’s not you or your personality or anything like that, I’m just not sure im in a position to get close with anyone right now, im not entirely sure if im ready for a relationship just yet so I don’t want to mess you around while I’m trying to get my head sorted out. I accepted again but I just can’t stop thinking about it, is it me? Is it me she doesn’t want but she just won’t tell me straight or is she genuinely scared to get close to me, it’s really getting me down and I just don’t know what to do, to top it off I have feelings for her too, I know how silly that sounds but it’s true, I can’t enjoy my life because all I can think about is her. We’re still messaging but she seems to have gone distant with it again. Also on her profile on the dating site, her profile picture has changed to a recent selfie she sent me, so she’s still looking on there, she has every right to, don’t get me wrong but why would she be if she doesn’t want to get close to anyone right now, it’s like she’s messaging me until she finds someone better?I’m so confused and I just don’t know where I am with her, I agreed to just go back to messaging until she maybe feels ready for something but it’s driving me mad, having no certainty or seeing any light at the end of the tunnel, it would be fine if I didn’t have feelings for her but I do. Please help me, I just don’t know what to do, I can’t relax or anything because of this. Any advice you have would be great. Thank you

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You do know where you are with her — you just don’t like it. 😕 She’s not that into you. But she’s lonely, so she stays connected.

[Member]

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