[Anonymous]

Please excuse the wall of text.
I apologize if I seem to ramble at some points.
I’m a male: 18 years old.

To make things clear lets call my now ex-girlfriend Candy and my ex-girlfriend before her Lily–They’re close friends.

Background:
Lily and I were together for 2 years–From the end of our high school freshman year to the summer after our junior year. I broke up with her because I felt like she was seriously losing interest in me. It felt like any action of mine would irritate her i.e. joking around, wanting to hold her, etc., etc. Before that, our relationship was good.
So I broke up with her. We reassured each other that we both still had very strong feelings toward each other. A week or two after I broke up with her I realized that it was a bad decision, so I asked her to be with me again. She refused and said that she feels the break up will do her good and to wait and see what happens in the future because she wanted to “play the field” (we were both each other’s first serious relationship). I was distraught. I felt like I made a huge mistake. I felt like I rushed into breaking up with her instead of sitting down with her and talking about the status of our relationship first. So I would wait a week or two and ask her to be with me again and she would refuse. I did it a couple times until she eventually told me that she had met another guy and began comparing him to me and saw him more fit for her. That repelled me from her. It was early in our high school senior year and I was put in a class where Lily, Candy, and Lily’s “significant other” (we’ll call him Dave) were present. I sat directly behind Candy. Some time passed and I slowly got more and more distracted from what had happened between me and Lily and what we had. I also got to know Candy a whole lot better. At this point I thought maybe I should date some one else and see what happens. So I did. i dated a girl for about a week but nothing happened. That was that; however, once Lily found out that I had dated someone else (I believe she’s still holding that against me), she put all of her attention into Dave and they became boyfriend and girlfriend. So there I was in the middle of class watching as my ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend “mingled.” I turned to Candy (Lily’s best friend) for comfort. She helped me out a lot. She and I grew closer and closer.

The Intermediate:
Candy I became good friends. It got to a point where I was constantly thinking about her and pictured us together. I ignored it for a while, but it grew. I eventually confessed my feelings to Candy and she was shocked. She, being my ex-girlfriend’s closest friend, immediately saw that as a bad idea. I did too, but from some reason I was strongly attracted to Candy. Despite everything, we became a boyfriend and girlfriend. Of course we had talked to Lily about it. Lily told Candy that she should go for it ’cause I was a “good guy.” But of course I still felt that Lily was not at all OK, I mean, who would be in that situation? Candy figured I was worth risking her relationship with Lily. I felt that Candy was the girl I wanted to be with. I had no doubts and neither did she. We were really close. I lost my virginity to her and she to me. However, something happened to me…
On July 23rd it was Lily’s birthday (at this point, we had somewhat started talking to each other again). I decided I wanted to get her something for her birthday. I asked Candy if I should and she said of course. So I did. I went and delivered the gift to her (before that I had not seen Lily since early June). When she appeared at the door I was speechless. She stood and said “You actually got me something?” and I replied, “Yes, yes I did.” I handed it to her and gave her a hug she stood there and just smiled. I was so lost in her smile. That night I went home and all I could think about was her. I was so mad at myself for letting me think about somebody else. I actually got a little depressed. I found myself wanting to see her and talk to her whole lot more. It was really getting to me. I finally realized that I was probably not entirely over her. I was so angry. I couldn’t bare telling Candy what was happening to. She made me promise her that if I ever had any doubts about us that I would immediately tell her. So I spent days alone trying to figure everything out. I came down to thinking about college this fall. Lily and I will both be attending the University of California Irvine which is about 2 hours from home. Candy will be staying at a local college. I figured that if seeing Lily for a miniscule 2 minutes made me feel like this, imagine what’s going to happen when when we’re both away on the same campus. I couldn’t bare to hurt Candy. I hated myself I felt like the world’s biggest a**hole. I felt like I had let her down. I told her how I was feeling and decided that it would be better in the long run if this happened now. I broke up with her. If it’s one thing I can’t stand it’s seeing a girl cry…
We were together for about 6 months.

The problem:
Candy blamed herself for my sudden change of feelings. She explained to me that she urged Lily into talking to me again because she knew that it would make me happy. She said she knew the consequences of such actions. I didn’t know what to say. I felt worse…
Now Lily will not talk to me and it’s killing me. She told me from the start no to hurt her friend and that’s precisely what I did. I feel horrible. I feel like a monster. I feel extremely guilty for damaging their friendship and for letting Candy down.
I have to admit that my feelings are for Lily, but now she “just wants out”. I can’t believe myself for doing all this and hurting two people that I cared for a whole lot.

As far as I know, Lily and Dave are still together.
I wish I could attempt to fix things but I feel helpless.
I feel like I have no credibility whatsoever.
I do want to be with Lily again at some point in the future. . .

What do I do from here?

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

It’s time for you to move on to greener pastures. 🙂 I know you had a lot of drama in high school being involved with two best friends, and now that you’ve dated both of them and have broken up with both of them, and are starting college in just weeks — you need to look elsewhere for women to meet and date. Your new school is on a big campus with thousands of students and you don’t need to spend time with your ex-girlfriend any more. This is a time to start the next phase of your life.

I’m sorry you’re hurt, but I know you’re going to understand that when relationships end, there is hurt more often than not. You will get over it, and you will move on, as will the two women you’ve been involved with. Look forward to school and get ready for a big life on campus.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go. And join me on Facebook. I’d love to have you as a member of AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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