[tooweird]

By surprise an old fling fired up, and was initially thought to be a 1-nighter, ended up lasting 5 days and 4 straight incredible nights. Never once did we part until I had to drop him off at the airport. He mentioned, “he didn’t think he’d want to see me again, but now he didn’t want to leave”. Our initial fling began weeks after a bad breakup and I wasn’t in any shape or form ready, but Im still shocked nonetheless that he came back.

I know he likes me, but what other signs can he give so that I’d stop worrying so much? My guards are constantly up, and is higher than ever. He assures me that he likes me and wants me to stop worrying so much, but I constantly question if I should back out now before further investment, and risk getting more hurt. A part of me doesn’t fully believe his words, and I wonder if it’s all just an act? I get the feeling he’s still more into our crazy good sex than anything else. He repeatedly tells me he’s not much of a relat. guy and hasn’t been in one in 4 yrs, and I did meet him on Tinder? He thinks I am rushing into a relat. and that is far from the truth. I don’t want to invest feelings and time if it’s not headed in that direction.

I wish I could trust him and just let it naturally flow, but from our experience, I have an incredibly hard time with trusting him. Our communication on text suffers. In the last 3weeks, we have “argued” more than 5-6x? There’s lots of tension, but never in person. He asked yesterday if I could pick him up from the airport, following that up with, “so we can have sex all day”…

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

Fill me in al little more, first.

Timeline: I think you said that this guy is someone you once had a fling with (how long ago?), after you were recovering from a bad breakup from someone else. How long did the fling last? Why did it end?

How old are you both?

[tooweird]

We began last December, and it has been very rocky, very off and on, all the way till now. I am 28, he’s 33.
Much has changed (again) since my last post.
We spent 5 amazing days together (again). I could feel that he had developed stronger feelings than ever before. He showered me with intense affections that one could relate in “honeymoon” stage.
But everything is great, until he leaves. I often get confused and upset by mixed signals. He tells me “he likes the shit out of me”, and not to worry, but wants to take it slow. I have no plans to rush a relat., but my dating style conflicts with his. He’s a “casual” dater, while I date exclusively. We bickered about this many times, and each time he convinces me that he has no intention of us being “casual” and commitment is in the future.
But after a heated argument (on txt), he disclosed his view of us being casual is what we are.
recap: He wrongly accused me of having sex with someone, and bc I refuse to admit to something I didn’t do is why he claims to be “thinking twice”.
Im unsure if “casual” was thrown out of anger, but being very upset I told him I had to cease all communications with him. This was yesterday. Should I believe his words (casual), or actions (he likes me a lot-but only absolutely sure of it when he’s present)?
Honestly, I think he’s more confused (single for a few years) than I am about us, and I’m pretty f*ing confused!

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

I don’t think you’re confused as much as disappointed that you’re not on the same page at the same time. Don’t fight with him over this. Just take a breather if you feel you’re going to argue. It sounds like the fighting over what appears to be control issues — what the relationship is, where it’s going — is threatening to destroy it. You’ll learn a lot, especially early in the relationship, if you don’t fight, and just listen. Accept the difference between the two of you and decide if you want to continue dating him or not. 😉

[Member]

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