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I told a guy I had feelings for him over a year ago. He never responded, and we were out of touch for quite a while. When I initiated contact with him, at first he didn’t respond, then he said he was hesitant to get in touch, then we finally got together to have dinner over the summer.

At one time prior to when I told this guy I had feelings for him, we went out a couple times. I was very depressed at the time and in no way ready to be in a relationship because I was too insecure and it showed. He never pursued anything further with me, and obviously did not acknowledge my feelings for him. Prior to that we had been “friendly” and I did want to try a friendship only relationship at some point when I was over him (which is why I asked him to get together).

Our dinner this summer was good. We stayed on neutral topics, and I was a marked improvement over the other times we had gone out. He made some comments about going out after we finished dinner for drinks, but that it was getting late. He asked about my plans for over the weekend (which I didn’t have an acknowledged) and we let the evening end at that. He did seem to have a nice time, and I have to admit, had a little stirring in my heart.

I didn’t hear from him for a few weeks, but I wasn’t surprised, considering it was the first time we had gotten together in over a year. I know he was hesitant to hang out as well, so I figured I had to prove that things were going to be different if I wanted to spend more time with him.

I asked him to have dinner specifically on my birthday. I did explain it was because we had never done that before, celebrated a birthday together, and he agreed. He was super-busy during that time he said, so he wanted to schedule it ahead of time to know if he could go and we ran into a snag there. I, for once, wanted to keep the date a little open because I knew my family would be in town during that time and I was also starting school, so I needed to be aware of my commitments with that prior to nailing down a date and time for the dinner. He got very annoyed with me for that, which was surprising, because he normally DOESN’T make plans too far in advance. We ended up not going out, and what was an upswing in our friendship quickly went downhill again.

I have come to find out that during this time, he had a girlfriend. Which is his reason for not responding when I told him I was interested in him, his distance after I told him that. Knowing that I had had feelings for him, and that he had a girlfriend, I’m surprised he mentioned having drinks and even accepted the dinner invitation at all because our “friendship” had been more of a precusor to dating than anything else. When he wasn’t interested anymore, he disappeared. I know he said he would have dinner with me for my birthday, which I find strange given he had a girlfriend. Likewise, how would he explain to her what his plans were for the evening? It’s possible he never intended to go, or that he would have ended up being busy, but that he got annoyed I wouldn’t commit to a date for dinner when he typically never did either before a day or two in advance seems a little bit of an overreaction – and I was interested in taking care of things because I didn’t want him to think I expected anything more than for him to show up and have dinner with me.

Is it possible that his accepting dinner for my birthday a positive sign for our relationship at that time, even though he had originally not acknowledged I was interested in him? Or is it more possible he thought our dinner was “just friends” and that was the only reason I asked him to go? Did I ruin a shot with him by not going out with him again, or was he not interested?

Part of me is frustrated by his reaction, because his response obviously made me sense something was up (like that he had a girlfriend!). I never would have asked him to do that if I had known. I also found out that he recently decided to sell his place and move in with her, so their relationship was close to pretty serious at that point too.

Do you think he was being nice for one last time before he committed himself to her? But why if he wasn’t interested in me? Can you help me make more sense of this situation?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m sorry, but he’s not that interested in you. 😳 You’re spending way too much time analyzing this. Instead, you should follow a couple of rules: Never ask guys out. Let them be the ones to pursue you. It also alleviates confusion. Just because he accepted your dinner invitation doesn’t mean he’s into you. In fact, his lack of interest since that dinner really confirms that it’s time for you to move on and find someone who IS interested in you and who wants to ask you out (instead of vice versa). Stop worrying about his feelings and start reconsidering behavior. When guys want to date you, they will. And….. there are things you can do to get them to date you! You can read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], for more tips and advice in that arena.

I hope that helps.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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