[FeelingBroken]

I feel so stupid for even seeking advice on this topic, because once I explain it the answer is obvious. But, sometimes the heart wants what it wants, and will defy rational thought (right?).
I love someone very deeply, but he considers me a good friend. We have a weird history: we’ve known each other since college (met in 2000), almost had a hook-up experience in 2001, and were just acquaintances after that. After college, I hadn’t heard from him until 2010. We became Facebook friends, and he reached out in a very nice way to “catch up.” He flirted a lot, made me feel good about myself, and ultimately convinced me to visit him. I lived in San Jose, CA, and he in San Diego at the time. I visited him about 4 times in 2010, wanted it to go somewhere, but he didn’t want a long-distance relationship. I was angry about that whole situation, and was hesitant to move to San Diego for law school a year later because of him. But, he had a girlfriend at that time, and I felt confident I wouldn’t hear from him.
He and his gf broke up in February 2012, which was only a month after I moved to town. He immediately sought me out to get together, and it soon after became a rebound hook-up for him. I wasn’t happy with the situation, but tried to convince myself I was, and since I was in law school, it was an ideal low-pressure thing for me. We went on like this for a while, and my feelings got deeper. He got me an internship where he works, and we started spending more and more time together. We talked about becoming exclusive, but he had hesitation about me (which hurt, but it only made me want to prove how great of a catch I am even more). He took the CA bar exam this past February, and I was there for him through the insane studying, making him dinner, giving him money as needed, etc. It’s in my nature to be a caretaker, and it’s hard to help myself. I like that quality in me, but I always felt it was unfair that I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of the relationship (exclusivity with the man I love). Anyways, we stopped seeing each other right after the bar exam, still work together, and I have been tortured every day since.
When we first stopped dating, he told me that as long as I was in his life, anything was possible. I recently found out that this has changed in his mind, and he only wants to be my friend. He says he cares about me a lot, and he does so much for me, it is true. The things he does gives me false hope, and I have told him this. It’s a sticky situation for me, and I know this sounds desperate, but I believe he has some other issues going on, and keeps looking for the wrong relationships. It’s almost like he chooses things that won’t last. He and I would last. We are a phenomenal team. We are always happy when we spend time together. We have the same values and ideals. He just started dating someone who lives out of town and is a single mom. I know that’s not what he’s looking for long-term, and I’m perplexed why he keeps doing this to himself.
So, my question is what can I do to make him want me? I know it’s an insane question, but he likes a chase. I don’t know how to make a guy chase me; I’m not good with games, I’m a very honest and upfront person! Should I drop out of his life entirely and hope he misses me? Do I stick around with my fake smile plastered on my face so he can’t see how miserable I am with only being his friend, hoping he sees what I see eventually? I think I know the answer, but sometimes a person needs tough love. But please keep in mind that I want him and only him, and I don’t think that mindset will change anytime soon. So, how do I make him mine?? 😀 😯 😳 Thank you for your time.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good question! 😉

There are a lot of ways that women can make men want them — and I actually wrote a book called [b]Think & Date Like A Man[/b] — for women like you, who want to find, get and keep Mr. Right. You can buy the book as an e-book here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. It’s going to help you a lot! I don’t push my books — but when someone like yourself asks a question that so clearly calls for the book, it would be wrong of me not to recommend it. 😉

I can give you a couple of hints here, (but you should really buy the book and read it). In the meantime, don’t be so available. Be a woman he gets to chase. Men love chasing women. And if you take that opportunity away from him, you’ve taken what he loves away. Next, be enticing and be mysterious. Be someone who’s more of a vixen than a friend. Make yourself valuable to him — and don’t sit around waiting for the phone to ring. Have an exciting life (and if you don’t have one, start building one!).

Let me know what you think after you read the book. It’s got basics and more complicated concepts that you can use.

Good luck!!

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