[GuessImAwful]

Hello. 24-year-old male here. Had an extremely close friendship with a girl about my age for a while that, as we both described it, sat in a strange territory between platonic and romantic. It wasn’t friends with benefits because I’m abstinent and wouldn’t kiss her, but there was lots of hand-holding and cuddling, all of which I was clear I wanted to stay between us. A little while ago, I ended up kissing her neck (not sucking or anything, short little “chaste” kisses) while cuddling after she made it clear she was okay with it. I paused several times as I did it and asked her to verbally ensure that she was okay with what I was doing and if she wanted me to stop. She told me repeatedly that she was fine with it and that I didn’t have to stop. I was also clear that this was to stay between us as well. I found out a few days later that she had told someone about it because she needed to “vent.” Apparently, if a guy is kissing her, she wants to “really be kissed, not these light, scratchy kisses.” Naturally, I was incensed that she told someone about it after she had promised me she wouldn’t; I was also upset that she wouldn’t talk to me about it. A few days after that, after we had had a talk to clear things up/reconcile after I had stopped talking to her when she told me that she had told someone about that, I ended up giving her my first kiss (on the lips). We’ve kissed a bunch more times since then. I guess what’s bothering me now is that I think I’m an awful kisser, whether it’s the neck or the lips. I jokingly commented at one point that, “You must really care about me to put up with my awful kissing (on the lips),” and she commented, “No, seriously, you need to be more confident. You’re fine, just a little scratchy.” I can’t help but keep feeling like she’s just as bothered by the kissing on the lips as she was by the kissing on her neck, seeing as she described both as “scratchy.” Feeling like I’m really awful at this whole kissing thing and maybe somewhat bothered that she won’t talk to me about it or is just going along with it to be nice. Or maybe it means that she likes me enough to put up with kissing me, even though I’m apparently awful?

Any advice or feedback? Thanks.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

She gave you a gift and you ignored it! 😯 When you asked her how you were doing with the kissing, and she gave you what sounds to me like constructive feedback, being more confident and reducing the scratchiness, you got angry that you didn’t get an A+! My advice is that you take her advice and recognize that some women would lie to you about how you’re kissing, cut you off and not kiss you anymore, or simply reject you without telling you what might be helpful for future!

Everything takes practice to get better — whether it’s kissing, dating, sex or, frankly, pretty much anything you can think of. There are definitely people who are “naturals” at things in all walks of life, but they’re not naturals at everything, and you have to understand that we all practice to make perfect. And…. newsflash: Kissing one person may be fabulous, but the same kisses on another person, not so much — because everyone is different.

So don’t get so upset about what she told you (you asked, after all!), and instead, recognize that she’s giving you a gift, not a rejection. 🙂 I think the problem here may be in your head — not on your lips.

Hope that helps!

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[GuessImAwful]

Thanks for the reply.

I’ll try and internalize what you said. Perhaps it’s just my ego/pride getting in the way and ignoring that she gave me constructive criticism. In fact, she even commented afterwards that she appreciated my kisses because they’re, “With genuine emotion and feeling, something I haven’t experienced in an extremely long time because all of the guys I’ve kissed in the last four years or so are doing it with lust.” Thinking of that comment and coupling it with your advice, you’re probably right that I’m just in my head about this.

As far as the issue of being a “scratchy” kisser, do you have any advice on how to improve that?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Soft lips will help. Get some lip treatment at the drug store and use it at night while you sleep. Even something as simple as vaseline will soften your lips. Scratchy, chapped lips are no fun to kiss! Then make sure you’re not giving kisses that are too peckish. Go in for something longer and softer to avoid any scratchy complaints! 😉

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[GuessImAwful]

Thanks again.

By the way, we’ve kissed again since and during it, she went, “If you wondered whether or not you were awful, the fact that I keep kissing you should be your proof that you’re not and that I like kissing you.” So, thanks.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome! 😀 😀

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Member]

Posts