[Nitro]

My girlfriend started drinking lately & I’m allowing it even tho it’s hard but I know we all young & go through that phase some point in time. I plan on spending the rest of my life with her as we talk about it allot. I went to a party once & she called me the next morning (sunday) at 8 & she found me still drinking , she was very upset & I didn’t do it again.

One day she drank on a Sunday & I didn’t like it as it’s not a day to drink & I told her that. This past Sunday she drank with people again & I was suppose to see her after lunch. I was very upset as I feel she knows I wont approve of that yet she’s doing it. To me it’s like she doesn’t think of how it will effect me whatever she does. She told me to pick her up from her auntys place & take her home. I went there & waited for 20mins cause she is not there yet.

She came there with her girlfriend, not even girlfriend a family friend that is much older then her & two other guys. I saw her & she was drunk & I snapped. I walked up to her & said “Are you done can we leave” I raised my voice a bit & there was people around , she laughed at me. She went inside & took her own time while I keep on telling her to get done. I was never this upset before & there was people around.

When I got home this evening she tells me that she has too much pride & she can’t be with me as I embarrassed her. I feel she’s just trying to show everyone that I don’t control her. I don’t want to control her at all , I just want her to respect what I don’t like. If she took one drink that’s fine but she was drinking on a sunday & came home drunk. I know I lost it but she knows me & I asked her politely to leave cause I came there just to fetch her. She then tells me that today actually showed her that there is guys out there that is actually interested in her & she doesn’t need me I’m low or what I did was low – her exact words. Then I didn’t reply.

What to do , the way I’m feeling now I’m done. We together for almost 2 & half years.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[Nitro]

Shes 19 & I’m 21. This morning she called me & said I embarrassed both of us & now people will think of me as being that type of guy that I’m not & I didn’t think twice about her when I went off like that.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thank you for the age information. It’s very helpful. 🙂

So, it sounds like you’ve been dating your 19 year old girlfriend for two years now, and you mentioned that she just started drinking for the first time. Because of her age, I’m thinking that she’s just started either because she’s now in a place where it’s legal to drink at 19, or because she’s young and many times, young people experiment with things like alcohol in social settings. In other words, I don’t think she’s drinking because of the relationship or because of some other problem in her life. If you’d told me that she was 35 and suddenly started drinking, it might have been because there was some kind of underlying problem, but I think that given her age, she’s just doing some normal experimenting. That doesn’t mean you have to like it, however, but I’m just trying to explain to you why her behavior is as it is.

Your reaction, however, didn’t sit well with her, and she’s moving on. If you want to get her back, you simply have to compromise. The more you hold a strict line about the ways you don’t like her behavior, and the ways in which you want her to change her behavior, you’re going to run into trouble in the relationship. If, however, these things she’s doing are relationship deal breakers for you, then you should probably move on. But if you want to work through the problems, then compromise is required. 😉

Hope that helps!

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