[Devonne]

2 months ago my relationship ended with my ex. I want to know if he still loves me and is thinking about me and might want me back. We have known each other since we were 17. Our families were friends before we were even born. For years he wanted a relationship, but he was the “nice guy” and that turned me off. Anyway, in the midst of our history, I was there for him when his mother passed away and then there are times when I wasn’t there since I got married and had 3 daughters (he resented me off it for a while). Anyway, he and I were together for 8.5 months when I did the unthinkable. I put my hands on him multiple times out of jealousy. Stupid because I truly love him. Since the incident 2 months ago, he hasn’t not spoken to me AT ALL. The only correspondence was 2 days afterward and he sent me a text that said:

You have problems not only have you assumed and accused me and told me how I feel you put your hands on me. You have no idea what your talking about your reaching and always have been you will be getting served soon you need help and right now nothing I say or do matters you proved that untill you do you need to stay away from me. It hurts me so bad right now that I will never see them girls again but for peace in my life I have no choice you made it this way I shouldn’t even be responding to you.

The only good thing, and I’m not sure if it’s good, is that he keeps in contact with my daughters and mother. But I don’t know if he’s doing it because he really does love them and may want a connection to me, or if too he owes my mother money. He claims to love them, but has not come to visit them the whole 2 months.

I really want him back and even started counseling immediately to help myself and potentially our relationship. Do we have a chance?! Should I give up?! Like a fool, I have continuously attempted to apologize by texting and writing letters. He ignores all of it.

I saw him a month ago at his job where he would barely speak to me. After an hour or so of being there, he bought me a drink! I saw him the very next night at another event and he totally ignored me! I am hurt and confused and have no idea what to do. I want to make things up to him but he won’t speak to me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you were violent with your ex-boyfriend and that’s why he broke up with you. Domestic violence is usually a situation where a man strikes a woman, but there are many cases like yours where a woman strikes a man. It’s good that you’re getting help with your situation, and it’s important that you’re honest about things — what sets you off, why you resort to violence, and if you’ve ever done this before and why. Honesty is a step towards recovery and healing.

I know you want your ex-boyfriend back, but domestic violence is a deal breaker in a relationship. My advice is that you focus on your personal health, especially because you have children and they need you to be healthy. 🙂 I’m sure that he still has feelings for you — lots of people in relationships where there is domestic violence still love each other — but they don’t want to be with someone who is violent because it’s an incompatibility and it’s a problem that you have to take care of, alone.

I hope that helps.

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[Devonne]

Thank you. I knew the answer, but you always have that hope that they will forgive and give another chance. 2 months makes it more than evident he is done and rightfully so. I will move on and continue to improve myself.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You know, sometimes you have to really feel the loss that is a result of bad behavior in order to change it. In the bigger picture, this may be a gift you need to be your best self. 😉

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