[angel17]

Hi, im a 27year old lady who has a 6month old baby. Problem is Im not inlove with the father of my baby anymore. Before I found out I was pregnant I broke up with him because I was losing the passion, then I found out I was pregnant and the families got involved then we got back together again. We got engaged last year (2011) in June and in my culture lobola was paid. We moved into together and I dread going back home everyday after work because I just don’t feel happy.

We hardly talk to each other, I find faults in everything that he does and I am easily irriatated by him. I know I dont love him as much as I used to, its been 3yrs now but Im just to scared to break up with him because of the shame I will bring to my family and his and also to the poeple in my church.

What must I do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

My first piece of advice is to try and find a way to be happy — and look elsewhere for your happiness. For instance, don’t look to your husband to be your everything. Cultivate relationships with girlfriends, family — maybe go back to work and find joy in your career or a hobby.

Since you have a child, by leaving your husband, you’d be subjecting your child to a broken home, and while divorce and separations are common, the children are often the ones who take the brunt of the impact. 😳 I know that sometimes divorce is the only answer, but your being unhappy isn’t a good reason to leave — at least not just yet. You may also be suffering postpartum depression which can often last a much longer time than is expected, so definitely see a physician and find out if there is anything you can do from his or her point of view. Exercise will definitely help get the endorphins flowing and that will make you feel better. I’m also guessing your sex life is off track with a six month old baby in the house, but if you start having a good sex life with your husband, the sex will make you feel happier, too. In addition, there’s a good chance you’re not getting enough sleep with a six month old baby, and that will lack of sleep will definitely lead to depression. Talk to your physician about solutions to this problem, if it applies, too. 🙂

Try these things first, and see if they don’t help. It’s not going to be easy to get back on track, but you have a lot at stake here, and the work will be worth the rewards.

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