[Ahunte31]

Hi,
I’ve been with my current boyfriend for a little over a year. I’m turning 25, he is 30. He is the Alpha male: ambitious, successful, strong, a leader and a workaholic. I am the type of woman that understands busy, career men, so we work well together. I am currently completing a year long post-grad program, so I am still working on my career and still liVing at home.
We were local for the first four months until he got promoted to another province (we’re Canadian), that is across the Country. He is very good with coming back to visit me 1-3x a month. He is affectionate, kind, supportive, patient and loving. We are both in love and talked about marriage and kids being our end point.
My concern comes down to never meeting his family. While we were local for the first four months, we didn’t get to the point of me being introduced to any of his family. Our relationship slowed down, as expected, when he left the province. He is a full time single father to his 5yr old daughter, as the mother left after she was born, and his daughter lives with his parents in our local town. His parents and daughter know about me, we’ve just never met in the flesh. He told me that I will meet them because he wants me to meet them, but I am skeptical. He mentioned that he hopes there’s no drama on his family’s side. He has met my family, already with no issues.
My question is, what is he waiting for? Am I being naive and oblivious to the fact that he’s not planning to integrate me into his family life? Is he waiting for me to finish school? Or is he simply not ready because of his past of being abandoned? I really want to know your thoughts.
Angela

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]My question is, what is he waiting for? [/quote]

He may not feel that he’s sure enough about the relationship he has with you to introduce you to his family. I know you do, but he may not. Either that, or he’s just too busy.

[quote]Am I being naive and oblivious to the fact that he’s not planning to integrate me into his family life? [/quote]

You’re definitely not being naive or oblivious. You’re concerned. Don’t push him — when he’s ready to get serious, he will. But if the waiting is upsetting you, give yourself a time frame so you can know you’ve got a plan. In other words, stick around for the amount of time you think is appropriate (whether it’s 6 months or 12 months), at which time if you haven’t met his family, you can decide to move on because he’s just not interested in the same sort of commitment you are.

[quote]Is he waiting for me to finish school? [/quote]

I don’t think so.

[quote] Or is he simply not ready because of his past of being abandoned?[/quote]

This may be the reason. You didn’t really talk about his abandonment issues. You just said his daughter’s mother left after she was born. Details?

[Ahunte31]

Hi April,

Thank you for responding. He was engaged to her, as they were expecting a child together. He stepped up to the plate and bought them a house; he was ready for committent. After she gave birth she left shortly after. This happened about 4 years ago. He is still sensitive about it and doesn’t talk about it too much, but he was open enough to tell me all of that. I always wondered if he was waiting to be sure that I’m not going anywhere before he let’s me meet his daughter so that she doesn’t experience being left again. Does that make sense?

Angela

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. So, he may feel unconfident in his ability to choose, and he’s gun shy — or more likely, his family may feel that he’s not wise about choosing women because of his last experience. You said that he hopes there’s no family drama on his side — this indicates that they may not want him to get involved with someone again because they got saddled with raising his child.

He may be waiting until he feels more confident about his future with you — and getting to the point where he feels his family is ready for him to introduce you given his prior experience.

I hope that helps you understand his reluctance.

[Member]

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