You can’t just be her friend for a couple of reasons. First, men and women can’t be friends, and if you’re in love with her and want to date her, that’s not friendship. It’s romance, lust, dating interest — but it’s not friendship. Friends are honest with each other, and when men and women are in relationships, there’s often at least one of them that wants more at some time — right now, that would be you! They often try to leverage friendship into more, and there’s a dishonesty in that dynamic that isn’t a part of true friendship. So, save yourself time, energy and heartache, and accept that you can’t be her friend.
In addition, she may have told you what she needs to tell you to distance herself from you. It’s hard for some people to tell someone they’re not interested, and that’s what may be happening. She doesn’t have the tools to be open and honest with you and simply tell you that you’re great, but not who she wants to date, so she’s telling you that she’s not ready to start dating, simply to break off with you.
And lastly, if she truly is grieving her husband’s death, it will take a certain amount of time for her to do so (I don’t know how long it’s been since he’s died). You should trust her to know herself well enough that when she tells you she’s still grieving, she is.
Since you’ve only been dating a few months, I think the best thing to do is to let her know that if she ever changes her mind, to call you — and then move on. Sometimes people aren’t ready for relationships, even though they seem to be great people. Being ready is a compatibility factor that is important to look for when you’re dating. 😉
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