[savinggrace14]

Ok I have known this guy for over 5 years now and we met in college and we have been friends for years. I liked him but I noticed he liked my best friend more. So I played matchmaker and they started dating. I felt that his happiness was important and if it was meant to be it would be. He dated my best friend and then she broke up with him… with me in the middle. I decided to take the approach of not choosing sides and isolated myself from both of them. Next thing I know I get a txt message from him saying he wanted to see me before he left to join the Navy…with me thinking what? So basically right before he left he told me he really wanted to make it work and said he liked me. He even told me he cared about me after he got out of boot camp. Then I went down to see him about two months ago and really realized I missed him. A month later he told me he wanted to stay single for awhile because he needs guy time and doesn’t like long distance relationships. He still wants to be his friend and even told me that he cared about me but can’t date right now (I think he wants to get his life in order before he dates me but I am not sure). He says there is still chemistry there and when he saw me didn’t want to send a double standard. So now I am trying to figure out what to do. I am still single but I feel loyal to him. Plus he told one of my other friends he sees me in his life in some way, but doesn’t know how. Do I wait? Do I move on? What do I tell him? How do I act?

[Ask April Masini]

I know you like him, and he likes you, but actions speak louder than words. He’s not asking you on a date and in fact, he’s telling you he doesn’t want to date now at all. 😕 In response to your questions, I don’t advise you wait around hoping he’ll ask you out on a date one day. He could ask you out today! In response to your question about whether or not you should move on, I’m not sure what you’re moving on [i]from[/i]. You’re not dating and you don’t really have a relationship, so if you’re asking me if you should date other men the answer is YES! When you ask me what you should tell him, I don’t think there is anything to discuss. What do YOU think you should tell him? And how should you act?? Act normally.

Bottom line is that you’re good friends, and you like each other, but he doesn’t want to date you right now for some reason that isn’t really clear. Listen to his behavior and don’t treat this as anything more serious than it actually is.

I hope that helps.

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[savinggrace14]

Thanks so much for your help. Its been tough to figure things out because many people including his mother say to wait he will come around or he just has to get through training and then he will be ready for a relationship, but I don’t know if he will ever be able to be in a long distance relationship. I think he likes to experience things with someone right there with him or feel like they are directly part of his life. For me, I am a pretty independent person who can do their own thing and don’t really need a relationship I just like to know how to handle things when it come to the heart. Especially since I really do care about him and want to be supportive of him… I am just trying to figure out a good way to be his friend and supportive while not getting attached. Any good suggestions?

[Ask April Masini]

Understand that this guy has [i]never once [/i]asked you out on a date. He is clear to you that[i] he doesn’t want to date — in fact he’s even told you so[/i]. What, exactly, is it that you think you are feeling attached to?? 😕 I don’t think there is anything there FOR you to be attached to. I think you’re drumming up a fantasy and because he’s lonely he’s participating in that fantasy — but it isn’t real.

See things as they are and just live your life. He’s your buddy and he’s lonely. You need to keep your feet on the ground and your head out of the clouds. Just be his friend if you want, and if the fantasy of a relationship with him is too much for you than stop being his friend until you’re able to do so without feeling attached.

I hope that helps.

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