[Anka23]

We did not have a break up in the 8 months of the relationship. The break up happened prior to that. We were dating back in June of 2014, but I just was not ready for a relationship. I did not want it. Then he pursued me and finally we got back together around 8 months ago. I was much more ready and welcoming. Things were great. He never gave me any reasons to doubt him. I am only able to spent time with him once a week and every other weekend. I see him 8 times a month basically. I dedicate the time with my daughter to her and don’t like to mix the two just yet. So I assume he feels lonely the rest of the 22 days a month. He does have a lot of friends (female and male) and is very liked by everyone. He has demonstrated pretty high morals, which is why it is so hard for me to believe that he might be cheating. Could this just be he is lonely and wants his friends around?
There is so much good in this relationship that I really want to make sure I am not walking away from a good thing. Had that not been for the missing condoms, I would not have reacted to the rest of the things as badly. Could some of that be becasue I am not able to spent more time with him?

[Ask April Masini]

You wrote here to ask if he is cheating or not — and now you’re stating that he has very high morals. 😕 Then you write that he never gave you any reason to doubt him, but you’ve listed a few in your posts. 😳 It sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself that you don’t have any doubts…. but I think you do

I’m happy to answer your questions in this last post. 🙂

[quote]I dedicate the time with my daughter to her and don’t like to mix the two just yet. So I assume he feels lonely the rest of the 22 days a month. He does have a lot of friends (female and male) and is very liked by everyone. He has demonstrated pretty high morals, which is why it is so hard for me to believe that he might be cheating. Could this just be he is lonely and wants his friends around?[/quote]

I’m a little confused by your question. If you’re asking if you think he’s cheating because he’s lonely and wants his friends around, I don’t think so. You’re not concerned about his friends — just his [i]female[/i] friends. And it was kind of fishy that you asked him not to have his female friend come over without you being there, or being informed ahead of time, and then she dropped him on social media — which isn’t the behavior of a friend. It’s the behavior of someone he’s sleeping with or dating. 😕 I mean, if she was truly a friend, why would she have dropped him? 😕

If you mean did he tell his ex-girlfriend that he missed her because he’s lonely? Uh…. maybe, but probably more likely because he missed her. People in relationships get lonely all the time, but that doesn’t mean they tell an ex they miss her. They usually call a guy friend or go to a Starbucks. What he expressed to his ex wasn’t just loneliness — it was a romantic feeling. Not a friendship feeling. And if you mean, did he have his female chef friend over to cook for him because he’s lonely, maybe…. but, again, if he’s really committed to you, he’d act more as if he’s in a couple and he wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that – like invite a woman over to his house without you being there…. he’d call a guy friend or order take out food if he is hungry. 😉

[quote]There is so much good in this relationship that I really want to make sure I am not walking away from a good thing. Had that not been for the missing condoms, I would not have reacted to the rest of the things as badly. Could some of that be becasue I am not able to spent more time with him?[/quote]

Maybe. Although 8 nights a month is definitely a commitment. If you believe that your being around more often and giving him more attention is what’s missing in the relationship, and you’re willing to try being with him more often, then you can certainly try it, and see if that works out for both of you. 😀

Let me know if you have any more questions. 😀

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[Anka23]

Well, I left his house upset after fighting all day on Sunday. I have not heard from him since then.
He is an introvert, so it’s hard to tell what he feels. I could tell he was hurt from all that fighting. And some of is my past. I have a history of creating stories in my head and believing them to be true. How long should I wait until reach out to him? When I broke up with him the first time it took him about a week to reach out to me. It was different back then. I did not care much of he called me or not. I wasn’t interested at all in him. But now I have feelings. I want him to make it up to me. Or at least say something. I also have a lot of my belongings at his place. So how long do I wait until I reach out? I’m not done with him clearly, I don’t want to end things.

[Ask April Masini]

What were you fighting about?

I think you should not contact him at all. Let him be the one to come to you — that gives him the opportunity to do so. If you go to him first, you take that opportunity away from him. Also, it gives you an idea of how he really feels about you. If you go to him, you deprive yourself of the truth. You’ll be confused and second guess yourself if you don’t let him be the one to make the first move now.

In addition, I would urge you to stop talking about your past and his past. At a certain point, and I think you’re there, you have to let go of your past. You either process it and incorporate it into your future, or you decide you’re not going to be a victim of it. Otherwise, you always have an excuse for your behavior and you never evolve or move on. 😉

I hope that helps.

Let me know how things go.

[Anka23]

We are not fighting now. I left his place on Sunday after fighting about him telling his ex I miss you. He kept telling me it’s nothing. A drunken stupid comment. That he hasn’t thought of his ex in a romantic way. He was never in love with her to begin with. It was a 3 months fling. Almost two years have gone by. Oddly enough I received a few texts from guys saying I miss you this week. One from a guy who kinda liked me but we are not good friends, nor we ever dated. He has a girlfriend but he did message me on Facebook. Another text from a guy I dated for four weeks two years ago. That makes me think it’s really nothing. Guys playing games, bored, drunk, trying to boost their ego I suppose. I am beginning to think I might have overreacted a bit. In your experience, who do men mean by saying such things? I mean this guy I dated for four weeks two years ago. I don’t think he misses me. But what’s the point of saying things like this? He doesn’t want me back for sure. He lives in another country now. Why do men have this need to flirt? Is is normal?

[Ask April Masini]

[quote]In your experience, who do men mean by saying such things? I mean this guy I dated for four weeks two years ago. I don’t think he misses me. But what’s the point of saying things like this? He doesn’t want me back for sure. He lives in another country now. Why do men have this need to flirt? Is is normal?[/quote]

Guys say they miss you for different reasons. It can be because they really do miss you and want you to know that they care about you or it can be to let you know they care and they’re still there in case you want to start something up again, or for the first time. But when a guy tells you he misses you, his intentions — in the case of these guys who have told you they missed you this week — are less important than what [u]you[/u] want from them. 😉 If you’re interested in more than just friendship with these guys, they door is cracked open with these comments, and you can push further, by flirting back, to see if you want to walk through it. 🙂 Flirting is an invitation. 😎

Specifically, the guy in another country who you dated for a month several years ago, may be feeling lonely so he’s flirting with you, or he may be having feelings of romance and wants to get back together. If you’re not interested, then you can just let it go.

As for flirting in general, it is normal. People do it to connect with someone who’s attractive, and in some cases, to open the door for possibilities. Flirting is a great connector, and you can use it for all sorts of things from just feeling good about yourself and about life, to pursuing a date or a relationship with someone by starting out or starting up, flirting.

I hope that answers your questions! 🙂

[PassionSeeker]

You’ve been through a lot, and honestly, I completely understand why these things hit you so hard. You’re not paranoid you’re reacting from pain that hasn’t been properly healed yet. When you’ve been betrayed before, even small cracks in trust can feel like earthquakes.

Reading through all of this, though, it’s clear you’ve been trying to hold a relationship together that keeps reopening old wounds. The missing condoms, the woman who “just cooks,” and now the message to his ex they may each sound minor alone, but together they paint a pattern of blurred boundaries and emotional carelessness. Even if he’s not physically cheating, he’s crossing lines that make you feel unsafe.

Love shouldn’t keep you in constant self-doubt or make you feel like you need to monitor devices to find peace. You deserve a relationship where honesty and security are effortless, not earned through anxiety. If you stay, it needs to be because he’s willing to rebuild that trust with openness and empathy not because you’re afraid of losing him.

You’re not broken, Anka. You’re just protecting your heart and that’s strength, not damage.

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