[sweetcheeks]

Hi April,
There is this guy. I kind of knew about his past relationship and that he had a bitter breakup etc. he lives a very detached life. Doesn’t get close to any girl in a personal level etc. yet I kind of liked him because of the very good person who he was and his gentleman like manners.

I think he sort of had feelings for me too but he never revealed them to me. I didn’t know this before I thought he might not like me because he appeared so out of my league. So I didn’t want to lose him as a friend of mine. So I hastened and during a conversation I happened to tell him that I was not interested in him in a romantic way. Then he told me “he liked me because I was not like other girls”.

Anyway we talked a lot later. Spent a lot of time together, I used to do him little little things to cheer him up whenever I saw him down and out because to see him sad made my heart break. We had a wonderful time. He used to correct himself when I point him certain things. He used ask questions from me which were directed towards how I felt about marriage and would I consider marrying someone out of my faith etc. (we are of different faiths). Yet he used to say that he was not going to marry because he doesn’t want to compromise.

So time went like that. Once we had a little misunderstanding. And he told me that he didn’t expect me to react in the way I did because he thought the way I did would have had bad influence over our ‘relationship”. He used the word relationship, when we were not in one. All these time I was fighting with my feelings because it was all to good to be true. Everyday in and out I used to convince my self that I had no special feeling for him but it was pure friendship. Then he had to go away for a week. I missed him. The conversations that we used to have. When he returned I asked him if 7 days was a long time to be away. He immediately agreed. I saw in his eyes that he missed me too.

But something happened. And he distanced himself from me since that day. I didn’t know what was going on. I thought he wanted space so didn’t want to question him. But he just kept away like that for too long. Didn’t even care to let me know what was wrong. Pretended that I never existed or he never knew me. Sometimes he never even said “hi”, he just went past me. This was too hurting for me because it was just when I was beginning to understand that my feelings for him had gone that extra mile and I was actually beginning to love him.
But I was thinking can I ever blame him? Because I knew from day 1 the kind of detached person he was, I knew he wasn’t ready for commitment, he never wanted me to get close to him, I did, and now I am paying the price for all that. I just need some words of consolation. Because I am too hurt.

I think recently he has got to know that I like him through a mutual friend. Now he has become more accommodating and initiates conversation with me. But he was not like this before. He was the reserved type. Now he is all confident and comfortable around me. But I am extremely scared. What if he is just taking me for a joke. What if he will take my heart play with it and crush it just like he did in the previous occasion. Usually they say to trust your instincts and my heart says that he is not serious. He is just playing with my feelings. I don’t know if I am thinking this way because of what I went through with him in the past. Dear April I need some advice please what should I do? Why the sudden change in him?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I re-read your post from August in addition to this post, and I think it’s time for you to read Think & Date Like A Man so that you can start choosing men who are available and compatible! Here’s the link for the book: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. You can also buy it on the websites for Amazon and Barnes & Noble. I hope you’ll get it and read it!

I’m sorry you’re hurt, but this kind of hurt can be prevented by choosing more carefully. In my August advice to you, I suggested that if you wanted to do charity, you should pick an organized group — not guys who have problems! It’s time for you to take that advice seriously.

If you want a boyfriend or a husband you have to look for a man who wants to be one of those things. If you look for a man who needs charity and can’t give you what you want, then it would be logical that you’ll end up hurt.

Get the book and read it. This is a great time of year to commit to turning your own behavior in a different direction, and for you — it’s finding a great boyfriend!

I hope that helps, and that you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

[sweetcheeks]

Thanks April for your advice. I am sure I am at a loss when it comes to this dating business because I just don’t have a clue and I am sure your book will do me good. I should be reading it by now. Nevertheless I am curious to know April, in your opinion what do you make out of him? and his behavior?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The book, Think & Date Like A Man, is a very quick read. [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url] Everything you need to know is in the book, and I’d love to talk to you after you buy and read it. It makes a lot more sense for you to read it first and THEN ask me specific questions about your situation since the book is going to cover so much of what I can’t tell you here — because there isn’t enough space! 😉

Thank you for buying the book (in advance). The sales help keep this free relationship advice site up and running! 😀

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