[thegoldenrunner]

Hi, everyone I am Kristen and am struggling to understand this guy who I feel like he wants me, but he’s scared. But then again am completely unsure. Sorry this is long but I feel like there are details here that can sway the answer either way.

The guy I like is a 19 year old freshman, I am a 21 year old junior. We both go to the same college and we met on the Cross Country team (for story purposes I have since quit for other reasons so don’t say just see him at practices.)
But when I saw him during the season he was the weird annoying freshman. He’s nice and really funny, but for the most part he annoyed the crap out of me. After season I never saw him, but we were friends on Facebook. Suddenly he messaged me, and we just talked about random stuff. He was really funny cracking me up. I saw nothing unusual. We talked every once in a while after that first time. Then one morning I get an unknown named text. All it said was “49ers”. It was the day of the 49ers/Seahawks post season game and he is a huge 49ers fan. After messing with me for a few minutes, he admitted it was indeed him. After that we talked every day, almost all day long. My friends told me “oh he must like you, if he just took your number (off Facebook) and started texting you!” I had a feeling that was it, but I have never been one to grab a guy’s attention. So I just thought he was his weird crazy self.
NOTE: The following is ALL in text messages because we never see each other in person due to our own busy lives. Also because he avoids hanging out, I’ll explain.
We had some deep talks sooner than I would have thought we would. He told me he’s adopted and he feels like his family doesn’t really like him, and how even the crazy happy guys like him have a dark side. He doesn’t have many friends and the friends he does have, he doesn’t talk to them often. All of his past girlfriends either left him or cheated on him. He dated this blond during the season, she was his best friend but they tried it anyways. Eventually it didn’t work out, and they drifted apart and stopped talking. I told him how I have a verbally and mentally abusive father and only him and 2 other people know about him and what he does. He told me he has something on his arm that burns and it has to do with his family and I tried to get him to say what it was. He beats around the bush with topics that are uneasy for him, and he avoided answering this like the plague. This angered me and a conversation like that is why we fought. He just pissed me off for reasons he wouldn’t even tell me and I wouldn’t talk to him for days. Eventually I found out, he used to cut himself for whatever his family did or does. He also told me in high school he was voted most likely to commit suicide. That completely crushed me. I told him to never think about doing any of that again. I understood that is why he acts like he does, why he acts out and why he seems crazy. We agreed that he probably has ADD or ADHD, because he tends to switch topics a lot, but it got better the more we talked and got to know each other.
But for the most part we had really great conversations. We always laughed, and both equally started conversations. He fell asleep early and we would text until he fell asleep, and then he would get the text and reply in the morning continuing our conversations. Sometimes he would reply in the middle of the night and then go back to sleep. Eventually he became one of my best guy friends, and then after fighting the feelings of falling for the crazy kid, I fell in love with him. Harder than I ever have for any other guy.
I told him multiple times that I liked him, but the little booger NEVER said what he was feeling. Not even a hint of an idea. When I would ask him to find me on campus like in the cafe or computer lab or ask where he was so I would find him, he would avoid it. He never wanted to hang out.
But we have had conversations that I don’t think normal friends would have, when one knows that the other one likes them.
Like one example: he told me that he had a big project coming up and he is going to die, jokingly. I said well you better do whatever you want before you die then. He said something about dying a virgin and not having kissed a girl and asked “are you any good?!” (at kissing). That same night he said he wants to be an underwear model, and after talking about how he needs to start running again and get a 6 pack he said that he would send me practice pictures and I will tell them how they are. Then he asked when I would like one and I told him when he’s ready (physically and mentally confident) but he insisted that I say when and I jokingly said right now, not expecting that he would actually send me one a few minutes later. He was in his boxer briefs, no shirt on.
Another example from really early when we first started texting was talking about how he said “what”
I said “chicken butt”
He said “sexy ass butt”
And I started naming chickens (foghorn leg horn, Chicken Little, chicken from cow and chicken, etc.)
And he said “oh O.o you forgot KRISTEN oohhhhhhh”
But me being dumb and not liking him at that point I told him “good try kid.” (I know…DUMB!)
Eventually I got fed up with it. I felt like he wasn’t trying at this point and I said “tell me how you feel or I am giving up on you.” after much debating he just stopped texting me. I didn’t give up because I was and still am so in love with him, but I wanted to. My friends told me I should too. 5 days later he texted me about the sports banquet because I didn’t go to it, and told me how it went but I didn’t respond. The next week he told me he is getting back in shape and running fast again, and I caved and talked to him for a while about it. After that day we continued not talking. Before I knew it, it was 4 weeks of no talking.
Just recently (6 days ago) he texted me. He said “Bye beetches, I’m going, see you in the fall” and I asked where he was going. He had a morning flight for Florida, to go see his birth parents and real siblings. I was so happy for him! But of course I had to ask why he was telling me this because as far as I knew, we were done talking. I went into more detail then just saying that, like I said something about how when he does talk to me it makes it harder to get over him and this is not easy for me and it breaks my heart every day, and I don’t want to talk to him unless he tells me how he feels. I told him to either stay with me or go and don’t look back. OF COURSE he never said what he was feeling, but he did say I blew his mind with what I said. I told him I get that he is scared (because of his past girlfriends) but I am scared of things too and you can’t find happiness unless you try. And I told him to text me when he is home if he wants to talk to me still because I don’t want to mess up his time with his family. Later that night he still texted me “hi” but I was at a concert busy babysitting my drunk friend. He commented on a fb status a few days later, and he texted me that he dyed his hair blonde.
That is all up to this point. He comes home tonight or tomorrow I think. But honestly I am dead confused on this guy! I know I should move on but honestly I can’t, unless he tells me straight up that he has no feelings for me. He told me before that if he wanted something enough he went and got it. Is that why he took my number off of Facebook and didn’t just ask?? Because I was what he wanted?? (Yes I asked him that before, no he didn’t answer)So if anyone can understand this guy, please please please help ME understand him! All of you relationship experts, try to make sense of this story! Please and thank you! 🙂

[AskApril Masini]

You’re asking loads of questions about him, but it’s a lot more productive to look at yourself, and your own behavior. 😉 This guy has never once asked you out, and I think you have to simply go by the tried and true saying: If a guy wants to date you, he will. This guy doesn’t. So instead of expending loads of energy trying to figure if he doesn’t because he’s scared, or he doesn’t because he’s unsure, instead, look at the fact that he simply doesn’t. 😉

As for yourself, you want him to be someone other than he is, and you’re coming up with all kinds of information and twists on what’s happening so that you can convince yourself there’s something more to him than there actually is. 😳 My advice to you is to start looking elsewhere for guys who are actually interested in dating you, instead of spending so much energy on someone who isn’t. 😉 His behavior is clear. Yours is what you can look at honestly, and work on if you want to. 🙂

I hope that helps.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Member]

Posts