[QT314]

My boyfriend(29M) and I (23F) have been dating for 6 months now.

We were love at first sight. We clicked really well on the first date, and we both believe that communicate was the key to successful relationship.
By 2 months in, we have become exclusive and already opened up about our friends and family(introduced to as well), financial, current problems, hopes and dreams.

Unfortunately we have nothing in common, he’s super outdoorsy while I’m the nerd that likes adventures once in awhile. At first it works really well, he introduced me to rock climbing and it becomes our thing.

Then slowly I realize it becomes harder to chitchat with him. When I ask how his day was, usually it’s “fine.” Later when I talk to him about the issue, he said he’s depressed because of work, also he’s not sure if he’s that super in love with me anymore, he just feels comfortable and like to be around me.(Also he doesn’t think there’s a problem with us)

That hits me like a rock, hurtful but I also realize the decrease in communication(hard for me to make jokes even I’m a funny person), never plan for date nights, almost no PDA, also less cuddle when we are together.
I suggested that we should go back to just dating, so I wouldn’t be focusing on him too much, that give him more time and space, and he agreed that’s a great idea.

Deep in my heart I love him, and I believe that there’s so much we can learn and grow together since we both know different things. Can you advice me on what to do to save the relationship?

Thank you.

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

The problem is that you jumped the gun. You should use the first three months of dating to decide if you want to continue seeing each other. You’re getting to know each other during these three months of dating, and basically having fun while gathering information, analyzing and doing what I call, smart dating. Instead, you claimed a commitment and introduced each other to families as a committed couple. Way too soon for that! You don’t know each other that well, yet. 😉 If at the three month mark, you both want to continue dating, then you should use the next three months to decide if you want to be monogamous. That’s really when you have the beginning of a commitment. I know that this feels like a slow timeframe, but it allows you to avoid this kind of drama because you’ve given each other the time and space to really get to know each other before making a commitment. 😉

From here, obviously, you need to slow things down and rewind if possible. But you should also be playing the field to take the pressure off of this relationship. 😉 I hope that helps.

[QT314]

Thanks for your advice!

I agree that we jumped the gun way too soon and I think it’s affecting our relationship especially my boyfriend has commitment issue due to hurtfully past relationship.
We both agree that we would like to keep seeing each other, but right now I feel like I know him too much, and with all the pressure, confuse, disconnect/not interested, I seem that I’m not sure what I can plan that’s fun while also not being too forward (so he has room to put in equal share of work)

I know this sound silly, but can you suggest how we can rewind our relationship to more uplifting and relax stage?

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

Yes! You have to wait for him to ask you out on a date. 😉

[Member]

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