[mkm0917]

I met this guy over a year ago and we were casually dating for 5 or 6 months. He made it perfectly clear on the first date that he was moving across the country for work soon so I knew that it was never going to be anything serious. We ended up having a lot in common and getting along really well and I guess I developed feelings for him without even realizing it. We would talk everyday and see each other throughout the week but he always kept me at arms length because he was moving soon. The closer the move got the more he started to push me away so I finally put my foot down and told him that I wasn’t dealing with the on and off thing anymore so I wished him good luck and told him that I would appreciate it he didn’t contact me anymore because my feelings were involved and I needed to let it go. He respected it for about a month but out of the blue he started calling again and telling me how much he missed me. I ended up going to his city for work and he picked me up from the airport, took me to my hotel, and ended up staying with me the entire 10 days. We act like friends that have known each other for years but have a sexual relationship but end up cuddling and kissing. Since then we have gotten even closer and talk more than ever but Im so confused as to where I stand with him. We live on different coasts but we talk everyday and confide in each other about dating other people and new people we meet but we still talk about the next time were gonna see each other. I feel closer to him now than I did before but Im not sure if were in the friend zone or what exactly it is. I have always felt like he didn’t like me enough to commit to me but too much to just let go of me so Im kind of just hanging on and pretending that my feelings aren’t involved but in all honesty, I have extremely strong feelings for him. Is it time to let it go or hang on and hope it turns into something more? Its so much harder now because he has become a good friend of mine and I don’t want to let that go! So Confused!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t know how old you are, but at a certain age, it’s a great idea to know what you want for yourself and then stay focused on that goal. 😉 I mention that because it sounds like you started out being okay that this wasn’t going to be committed relationship, but now you’re not. In other words, you’ve changed your feelings. This happens.

On the other hand, this guy has been very consistent with you in telling you that he doesn’t want a commitment, and he’s actually following through on what he told you. In other words, his talk matches his walk. However, you are trying to get him to bend into wanting something he’s told you he doesn’t want. Instead of changing your behavior to match your feelings, you’re trying (or just hoping) that his behavior will change to match your feelings. My advice is to bank on yourself, not him. Especially since he’s been so consistent with you.

It doesn’t sound like the relationship is really what you want for yourself, and since you’re both dating other people, as soon as he starts getting serious with someone, you’re going to be very hurt. Use this opportunity to hone in on what you want for you, and if it’s a serious, committed, monogamous relationship, then you should focus on dating only people who want the same thing — this guy doesn’t meet those criterion. So, yes, I think it’s time for you to let go, and get what you want for yourself. 😀

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