[Nina111]

Guys I’m in desperate need of some advice and I would really appreciate your help.

I have a bf of 1.5 years. Things between us were on and off at times but I really love him. Getting straight to the point, I quit my job. I got a job in a branch that’s really far from home and I quit it after going to work for around 2 weeks. It took me around 1.5 hours to travel one-way and I was expected to be at work around 8 am, leave around 6 – 6.30 pm and the pay wasn’t much so I felt like as if the whole thing is crazy and I just quit.

I did tell my bf that I might quit it a couple days back, though he thought I was just kidding. Anyways, now it’s been over a week and he hadn’t contacted me in any way. In my relationship I’m the one who always makes the first move and after staying patiently for 3-4 days i tried calling him, NO ANSWER, text him, NO REPLY. I got so mad and I asked my friend to call him and check out what’s the issue. My bf DID answer my friend’s call though (guy friend). He had told my friend that I should learn a lesson for quitting my job or something and that I behave immature (which I don’t except at times with my besties. He calls it flirting if I talk to a guy) and that I should start to understand that life is hard and it’s not a fairytale and blablabla.

Anyways the point is, I am searching for another job, for something better actually and the thing is I don’t understand why my bf should be mad at me that I quit my job. I mean it doesn’t affect him in any way. Not that we are living together or something. It’s over a week and he hasn’t responded to me in any way. He knows that I’m hurt and that I miss him so much. But one thing is that I never regret quitting that job.

I don’t know what to do. I’m exhausted with this whole thing. I mean shouldn’t he be there for me at times like this when I’m already miserable with my life going nowhere rather than him adding up into it?? Shouldn’t a good bf be there to say that “don’t worry it’ll all be okay, you can find a better job than that” rather than just ditching me like that? Is this whole relationship even worth it?? Why isn’t he even worried about me and not bothered to contact me? 🙁

[Anonymous]

ugh… I know the feeling of the frustration you are feeling.. I am/was going thru it myself… (I just got some good advice on here!) Its maddening when you are in a “good” relationship then the man just cuts it off for no reason.. or in your case no “good” reason. I dont know about you but its exhausting to sit and think of ways to try and make him change his mind.. or make him see that you are the one he needs to be with! Not saying that you are but I know I am guilty of that… It sounds to me like maybe he was just waiting for a good reason to break up.. If he’s not returning your texts or phone calls, he is obviously avoiding talking to you ( that was my whole last week 😉 ) and if he truly wanted to be with you and not lose you, he would at least speak to you and tell you why hes doing what hes doing. Men seem to always take the “easy” way out… which is so very hurtful to us women… all we want is the truth or an explanation, right? Obviously this is my opinion and I hope I didnt say anything upsetting, but Im just a fellow woman who is going thru a similar situation 🙂 Sounds like you are too good for this man that doesnt see your fabulous qualities and he’ll kick himself in the a*% when the perfect man for you FINDS YOU!!!! best of life to you 😀

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You got some wonderful empathy from [b]willandtrace[/b].

Clearly, your boyfriend is avoiding you, but I don’t think the real reason is because you quit your job. It sounds like there’s some underlying dynamic that is going on. What stopped me up short is when you wrote:
[quote]In my relationship I’m the one who always makes the first move…[/quote] 😯

I never recommend women making the first move. Aside from the obvious reason that I often write about — men WANT to be the ones to make the first move and when you make the first move so they can’t, you take that opportunity to feel good about themselves and their relationships with you, away from them — there is another reason. If a man doesn’t make a first move, you can gauge his interest a lot more clearly. Guys who want to date you will. Guys who want to call you will. If you’re doing it first, you don’t know how much they want to! 😳

Now, turn the tables. Do YOU really want to be with a man who won’t call you after you quit a job and are struggling with unemployment? Don’t YOU want someone who is empathetic and helpful rather than punitive and immature in their reactions?

My advice is you not contact him any more, and move on with your life. Focus on finding a new job that is more appropriate, and watch and see what his true colors really are! In the meantime, look around you and see if there’s anyone out there who can give you what you want and need in a man — and that includes good communication skills, maturity and empathy as well as character. It shouldn’t be that hard to find if you don’t waste your time with men who aren’t Mr. Right.

I hope that helps. Let me know how it goes, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Nina111]

Thank you so much [b]April[/b] and [b]willandtrace[/b]. It’s so true that when everything is perfect they HAVE to come and make a scene. I really thought he’s going to be “the one”. 🙁
Thanks for your advice. I really appreciate it. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re welcome! And good luck. 😀

[Member]

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