[seanboe1]

So a little background first. I am a 29 year old closeted at work Gay man that works as a Paramedic. Recently I was assigned a new partner whom is 21 years old and quite good looking. I immediately took notice and began to develop an innocent crush on him. Our personalities and sense of humor click very well. I felt as though he was straight until I began to pick up on some things that pointed me to in the direction that he would be at least curious. He acts straight (but so do I) but has some effeminate mannerisms such as the way he uses his hands to talk. Also he is VERY flirtatious with me and wants to wrestle and tries to tackle me all the time. There is an occasional strange tension between the two of us which I only get around men who “like me”. We spend 48 hours straight together as partners on an ambulance and have now spent a little bit of time together outside of work. Recently I threw a Christmas party at my house and we ended up spending about 9 days straight together. He had ample opportunity to leave if he wanted. Also it seemed as though he wanted to extend our time together. On our drive back up to work he kept wanting to stop at stores to just walk around. I obliged. Nothing out of the ordinary happened outside of flirting when we were alone together. Also he talks about his penis on a regular basis and I probably know more about his then my own haha. I know he has slept with women and he does brag about how “good he is” and how long he lasts. His current roommate confirmed the hetero sex haha. I have not told him that I am gay but he has asked me on several occasions if I am, and says he would be cool with it. I would like to come out at work and am slowly getting comfortable with the idea. Also while at work we spend a ton of time at our station alone hanging out. On several occasions he has made some “awkward contact” at least awkward for a straight guy. On one occasion he gently grabbed my toes and laughed (that was before our 9 days together). And now this week he grabbed my knee twice, the way a guy grabs his girlfriend or boyfriends knee when they are trying to be “close”. Also that same night we were playing video games and our feet accidentally touched. I moved mine back but he gently rubbed his foot on top of mine. I found all of this particularly interesting. Also he occasionally tries to touch my nipples when I am laying next to him on the couch (not grab or squeeze like a nipple twister) and he will randomly touch my face. I have many many straight friends and have never had another heterosexual man touch me like that. When I was touched I made little mention of the matter and laughed a bit myself but I never pulled away and never stopped it. I am pretty sure that he thinks I am straight at this point and just thinks I am a commitment phobe with women. I keep it pretty basic when I talk about dates and imply everything.

He does mention girls . Especially a few obviously attractive ones like Mila Kunas or other very attractive female stars. Usually He’ll say something like I would do dirty things to them. Also on one of the nights we were at my house together he wanted to go the restaurant Twin Peaks (if you don’t know what that is think classy Hooters with better food and atmosphere). We went, and I found myself looking at the girls more than him. I payed pretty close attention to where his eyes wandered and honestly I never saw him make a glance at the very scantily clad women there. Also occasionally I make “gay“ comments such as one day while watching TV I made a comment about Mathew McConaughey being doable and he stated “ I would fuck him”, also I have made a few gay sex comments and he will reciprocate and even sound willing to perform if you catch my drift.
Recently he began using gay slurs like “that is so gay” and that is faggy” or “don’t be a fag”. This is a huge departure from our previous months working together I have no idea why he changed. When he says things like that I tell him it’s stupid to stay things like that and it just makes you look stupid. He stops after I get mad.
He is pushed to talk to girls all the time even by friends and even me haha but makes no significant attempt. The girls I know he has slept with are how do I say this politely a bit on the promiscuous side. He has not had a girlfriend since High School. He says he is just super awkward around girls and that is why he has not made any headway in that area. So is this guy straight and just super comfortable with his sexuality, or is he sending me signals that he wants more? My crush at this point has all but worn off but I am still attracted to this guy. I would like to come out at work but I still have a few concerns about actually doing that. Eventually it will happen. The county he grew up in and we work in is extremely conservative and not very accepting of LGBT so gay kids struggle there. Sorry for the long winded questions and thanks for the responses.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Unless you’re honest with someone, you can’t have much of an intimate relationship, whether it’s a friendship or a romance. My advice is that you let him know that you are gay, and why you waited so long to tell him. If he knows you’re gay, and you’re being completely honest with him, then it’s going to give him the platform in the relationship to be honest with you, too.

Right now, it’s very hard to know if he’s sending you signals, because you haven’t really been honest about who you are. So let him know, and then consider what type of signals he sends you when you’re very clear with him about your sexuality. 😉

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