[Characters]

I’ve been talking to this guy on and off for over a year now and in our culture when you speak with a guy it’s obvious it’s with the intention of marriage. We have spoke about getting engaged, getting married, kids, etc… He’s eager to get married because his parents are older and is worried about them not seeing and enjoying his children. He’s very attractive, hard worker, kind hearted, and shares the same morals and values as me. He grew up seeing his mom work degrading jobs in order to provide for him and his sister. He is now the CEO of his own company and works as an executive for a separate company. He lives in NYC so this “hustle” is required in order to be able to provide for his family. I respect that he’s so selfless and wants to provide for his family but in addition to this, he spends whatever time left with his mom because he feels sorry for her and doesn’t want her to feel lonely. She has no one at home with her and has no job and no friends so I understand where he’s coming from; however, how are we ever supposed to move forward and get to know each other better? This is a long distance relationship so the only communication we have is over the phone and he rarely is “free” to speak with me. He also mentioned he isn’t a phone person so we don’t text much either. I know he has good intentions and doesn’t want his mom to feel neglected, but his actions are making me feel neglected. I spoke to him about this and he said it sucks that his father is literally absent so he has to take multiple roles: husband, father, brother, etc… He really wants to move forward but it doesn’t seem he has time. What do I tell him? It’s very emotionally draining for me to be left hanging like this. Sorry for the venting

[April Masini, your AskApril]

His situation is clear. He is doing the best he can. You can stay or you can go. The choice is yours — but if you do stay, you need to be aware of what you’re getting into. It sounds like you’ve got an idea of what you want, and that’s good — but you have to be mindful of choosing someone who’s a good match, and if he’s not compatible because of his timeline and responsibilities, don’t pretend he is. 😉 You’re venting because you want him and his situation to be different and I’m here to help you solve your problem

[Member]

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