Last November, I broke up with my girlfriend who I was with for almost 5 years. I have known her since i was very young also. Things were great up until the last year where I felt I was not myself. I became distant from her, and was mean to her. I really didnt treat her well and I hate myself for it. I decided that i needed to end it, even though I knew she loved me with all her heart. She took it very hard at the start. She thought I went off to see another woman, however that was not the case at all, I just needed some space for myself . We did not talk for a few weeks and whenever we did she reminded me about the promises we made such as “We will never give up on eachother”. I was still not ready to go back in a relationship and she said that she couldnt be friends with me.
A few weeks later, she sent me a message telling me that she thinks shes ready to be friends. I was delighted and we talked for a while. It was only then I knew what a big mistake I have made.
I told her this, wrote her a HUGE letter explaining myself and apologizing about the mistakes I have made and of course told her how much I love her. And i do love her. This then pushed her away. She told me that she will always feel something for me but she has a wall up for people now, that she needs to be by herself and independent now and stay by herself. Your probably thinking that this is a delayed response to the break up but ive never been so sure of anything in my life. I love her so much and I hate what I have done to her in the past so much so that I have been vomiting thinking about what I have ruined . I told her that if I ever had the chance to start again, everything would be different, which it would.
Im just so angry at myself and worried that I will never have the opportunity to spend the rest of my life with this girl. She wont talk to me now at all or doesnt reply to my text messages. If I ask her for a coffe she says she doesnt think its a good idea if I feel that way about her.
