[erinb2997]

My boyfriend of one year broke up with this past Saturday night. It was all very quick and was prefaced by a petty fight that I had unintentionally started. For the past few months, we have been arguing pretty regularly and hindsight is now showing me that I have mainly started most of the arguments while blaming my boyfriend, who has begun very rigorous major this semester, for not “trying” hard enough to help put us back into the place we once were. Most of my accusations revolved around me not feeling like he was being enough for me emotionally when really I was taking what he was giving me for granted. Even the weeks, and even Saturday morning where completely fine with him being the supportive boyfriend I know and love, but because I refused to see that, I jeopardized one of the best things to have ever happened to me. I’ve realized all of this now and have sent him an email apologizing for my actions and telling him I was hopeful for our future and that we could hopefully get together within the next few days to talk things out. I’m not sure how great of an idea this was, but the emotional anguish that has been caused because of this has been uncontrollable. He was also receptive to the idea of talking.

My main question is, despite him saying that he wasn’t sure he could have faith in us because of all the events that led up to our break up and his sudden belief in our relationship being based solely in fantasy, is there a chance he was simply having a knee-jerk reaction to the fight before hand and me pressuring him into being something that he already was? I feel absolutely terrible and really would like to hope that we have a future together. I’ve been doing my best to not contact him and give him space, it’s just been the hardest thing I’ve had to do.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like the break up isn’t the result of a single fight, but is the result of several months of arguments during a pressure-filled time in your boyfriend’s life. I think he’s decided the two of you aren’t compatible because he needs someone who is either more independent or more understanding and flexible when it comes to his schedule and/or lifestyle.

What you need to figure out is if you’re just sad that you lost him and are trying to get him back and change yourself in a way that isn’t organic to who you really are, and won’t stick — or if you need someone who can give you more time in a relationship. I know you miss him, but this is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and what you need.

If a woman wants a lot of attention from a man, she probably shouldn’t marry someone with an intense career like a surgeon or a policeman or a businessman who works Wall Street, because his career is going to take up a lot of time. On the other hand, there are women who are completely fine with that kind of time sharing dynamic. And the same goes for men dating women who have certain types of careers. Really find out what you want in life, and honor that because it’s the only way you’ll find Mr. Right — by knowing yourself well. 😉

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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