[dmt091981]

My fiance and I broke up after 5 and a half years. So, when it initially happened, he said he was done and no longer felt the same way he did before & he wasnt in love but did love me. I understand feelings change over time, but I do believe with time they can be adjusted back to the feelings when it was all new. We have never been apart since the day we met. We lived together immediately, were engaged 9 months later, etc, etc. Our relationship was overall pretty damn good. In December, I was taken out of work due to anxiety & depression issues. He has just found a steady job but before hand, he was bouncing back and forth. Money became tight, but we got through it. The day he left, he said there was no chance, things were done. The next day, he said he just wants to get on his feet & get a place of his own and we could possibly try things again, that he did love me and miss me and this was the hardest thing for him to do. Mind you, we were living with my family the whole time pretty much, which caused a lot of stress in our relationship, but since we were broke, we had no other option. He told me that he is 100% sure that he wants to try things again when he’s got his stuff together, and that this should be considered a break. I’m OK with that because I have faith that this will be best for both of us to straighten ourselves out & be happy with ourselves so we can be happy together. We have agreed to not see other people & keep communicating, with space, to give it time. My question is, what do I do in the meantime? I’m okay with waiting for him cause I have no doubt things will work, however, I’m so hurt & missing him like crazy, I just want to keep calling him which I know won’t help. Someone please pray for us. I have no bad things to say about him, when we argued, it was over petty things now that I look back. I now realize that I love him more than I thought could ever be possible. I truly believe still after all this, we are meant to be and we are soul mates. His Nana passed away the other day, and he asked me to go to the wake and funeral. I did, which was really hard to be reunited with everyone on such bad terms. Although, it felt as if nothing ever happened. He picked me up, we joked, and were on really good speaking terms. He hugged me and told me I looked very nice. I stayed as strong as I could but it killed me inside that after he dropped me off, we were going our separate ways. His family knows we’re not together, yet was still introducing me as his fiance. His step dad said this was the stupidest mistake he could have ever done. His Grandpa told me today that he loves me very much and to be patient that he promises things will work out. His family, and my family said they all feel like things will be fine with us. I just hope they’re not telling me what I want to hear. I told my (ex) fiance that I was afraid of losing him. He said I would if I didn’t give him space and time. It has been a little over a week since he left. We agreed not to see other people. He also stated that by trying things again, it wasn’t a guarantee that things would work. I understand that nothing is guaranteed, however, I have trust and faith that if we tried again, things would be amazing & our spark and connection would be stronger than ever. He’s an amazing guy.I have never been so happy in my life as I was with him. If it helps, I am 29 and he is 26. The issues we had are all things that can change. There was never any trust or infidelity issues, just bickering over now what I call pointless bull. How should I take this all? Any honest advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Ask April Masini]

If you’re 29 and you’ve been with this fiance for 5 years, how long were you with your ex-fiance for and how old were you when you started dating the ex-fiance? Were there other fiances or live in boyfriends?

Let me know and I’ll give you my advice.

And join me on Facebook. I’d love to have you as a member of AskApril.com on Facebook. Here’s the link: [url][/url].

[dmt091981]

Hello! I apologize if I didn’t clarify things easier. He was the only fiance I ever had, but is now my ex. We met when I was 23 and he was 21. We just split 2 weeks ago. I spoke to him again yesterday & he stated again, he needs to get on his feet & get grounded & his own place, etc., etc. He said once he does that we can do dinner or something & try things again, however, he can’t gaurantee that things will work. Which I understand. However, I have every belief that it will work since we had a strong relationship. Yes, I have had 1 live in boyfriend before him, but he was an ass. lol. The guy I am referring to has been my only fiance and is the ony guy I am referring to in my post. Thanks for responding & trying to clarify things to help me! = )

[Ask April Masini]

I think that you should give yourself a time limit. At age 29, it’s understandable that you want to be married to this guy. However, he’s moving away from that goal and you’ve already invested over five years in him and the relationship. 😕

He’s felt caged in by financial pressures, relationship pressures and living with your family was probably a pressure cooker no matter how nice and hospitable they were. To alleviate that pressure he took himself out of your family’s house and out of the relationship. He’s working on his finances now to get himself into a position where he can actually date, find Ms. Right and start a marriage and family. The question is will you be his Ms. Right?

Clearly, you want things to work out with him, but he’s relegated you to “trying again”. So give it a try, but if in a couple of months you don’t feel like things are moving in the direction you want, then accept that the two of you are not on the same page at the same time, and you need to move on.

Let me know how that sounds to you and how things go.

And join me on Facebook. Here’s that link: [url][/url].

[dmt091981]

Thank you for your advice. I know what I want & I have no doubt we can make this work. I just don’t know how to deal with all the hurt, worry, and what if’s in the meantime. I wanna give him his space & I know the worst thing to do is call & bother him. I just don’t know how I can keep my mind clear & not give in & call him. All I do is think of him. The past 2 nights I have dreampt about him. I woke up twice in one night & just felt like he was next to me. Then last night, I had a dream we went out to eat & kissed & were so happy in love. I know people say to listen to your dreams, I just don’t know if they are telling me he’ll be back soon or if it’s my way of seeing him. They felt SO real, I wish they would just come true. I did visit your link for Facebook & it said awaiting friend confirmation. My name is Danielle T.

[Badfinger]

Occupy your time and relax, it’s ok, it’s a short period of time he has asked for, I myself don’t understand shutting you out entirely but to each his own/your milage will vary.

If unemployed keep looking and I suggest visiting a local library and find something there to obsess over instead, probably some good relationship reading, if nothing else. *hint hint*

[Ask April Masini]

Badfinger has the right idea, but I’d suggest doing more active things like exercise, going out with friends and family and staying busy. But keep your eye on the ball. If you know that YOU have a boundary on this “break” and that you’re not going to wait forever, you won’t feel so victimized.

Thank you for joining me on Facebook, and forgive the wait! I have so many people wanting me to friend them on Facebook it’s hard to get to everyone right away — but I’ll look for yours very soon. It’s turning into a rich community! Thank you! 😀

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