[Anonymous]

A little over a year ago I got involved with a guy that had been in relationship for a few years. Now granted we’re young so no one really stays faithful to one person, but I still knew it was wrong. I had known of him since grade school as the hot bad boy who fought people and hooked up with every girl in the school. I starting hanging out with him and it was just something fun and spontaneous that I hadn’t done before, he still had his girlfriend but no one really seemed to think anything of it, so I didn’t really either. Things were very up and down with him and it wasn’t until about 6 months into the relationship that we started to become very involved. He was everything I wanted. He texted and called me 30 times a day and I loved that. I realized I was falling in love with him and everything began to become very complicated. Almost a year into everything his girlfriend found out and it was a huge bomb dropped on everything. His family was furious, he was a mess, but we thought this might be it.. this was finally the end and our beginning. But he was still torn for weeks and felt so bad leaving the girl that had stuck by his side for all these years. Well he now knows that was the biggest mistake of all. He wound up staying with her, but we continued our relationship. I went off to college five hours away and they stayed close to home and went to college together. He promised me we would be together even though I was away but it became very apparent those weren’t his true intentions. He started to ignore all of my phone calls and texts and left me completely alone and in the dark with no explanation. Here I was starting college far away and loosing someone I loved for no good reason. But he still continued to call me when he wanted, and tell me that he still cares about me. He saw me when I came home on some weekends and it was like nothing ever happened. Two months into the semester he told me he could not speak to me anymore, this was the end.. no explanation. A week later I get a crying phone call telling me his girlfriend was pregnant. They would eventually get married. He assured me he loved me more than he has ever loved anyone and that I had made him feel like no one else. I thought this was really it. I thought this was the end. One month later he proposed to her. I did not find this out until Christmas when he was still fully involved with me. A month ago they moved in together and the baby is due in July. He cries to me everyday. He calls me twenty times a day just telling me how much he loves me. In the past two weeks, he says he realized how big of a mistake he’s made and he’s going to do what it takes to be with me no matter what. I know that he loves me more than anything. And I know how perfect the time we spend together is. But am I the most selfish person in the world for allowing him to completely ruin her life by being with me? All she has is him and her family and now a baby on the way.. but if he doesn’t love her now he never will, and eventually their relationship will crumble based off that anyway right? I’m so torn. I know he’s my soul mate, but I just feel like it’s too little too late. All I want is a loving marriage and lots of kids, am I giving myself bad karma by taking that away from someone and making it my own? This situation has been hell, but I don’t know if giving up is the answer.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

This is no longer about love — it’s about responsibility. 😐

Whatever you and your boyfriend had or didn’t have before, it’s over. He’s married and he’s going to be a father. You need to back out. If you continue to interfere, you will be contributing to strife for an innocent new baby. It’s one thing for you to hurt adults, but hurting a child who needs a mother and a father, is not acceptable.

Understand that you aren’t confused — you’re rejected. He’s cheated on you and his wife for all this time, and you were well aware and accepting of the relationship. He’s now chosen his wife over you to marry, move in with and raise their child together. (Remember, he didn’t have to marry her or move in with her — he chose to, so no matter what he tells you, his actions speak way louder than any words.) This is your cue to heal your broken heart — on your own, and to move on.

I know you want me to tell you it’s okay for you to keep seeing him, but since he’s having a new baby, I can’t give you that advice. It’s just wrong and hurtful for you to continue to be involved with him as a new father. Sorry.

What is of more concern is that you allowed yourself to be involved with someone who didn’t make you his first and foremost girlfriend. 😯 I wish you felt you deserved a man who loved you more than any woman and proved that love by behaving as such. Your homework from me (I bet you didn’t know this was Ask April University! 😆 ) is to start putting yourself first — not by dating a married man who’s a new father over his wife and child, but by finding men to date who want you and only you! You will get over this hurt, and your life will be much better for your having moved on.

I’m wishing you luck, and hope you’ll let me know how things go.

[Member]

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