[coffeeloverxx]

It’s been over a year, I can’t get over him. We had a business, a house and a dog together. I know he isn’t the one, but I can’t stop this unconditional love. I have another bf who loves me & treats me right, but I cannot find the same or similar connection. Is this new man right for me? I still have contacted with my ex for financial reasons, which makes things harder. Plus we have a dog, which I love dearly.I find myself physically and mentally attracted to him. I am at the point where I’ve grieved, found another man. But I can’t feel this void. My ex tells me he cares about me, but doesn’t love me anymore. I should acknowledge this and move on, but I can’t. In the meantime, he has found love again, but currently not in a relationship and rather sleep around at the moment. I even bought another dog, to stop thinking about my other dog. I left my ex due to stress and thought I could go back. But obviously that’s not the case. I think the only solution is to see a councillor, as each day seems harder and harder.

[AskApril Masini]

[quote]Is this new man right for me?[/quote]

He may be right for you — but you’re not right for him because you’re still involved with your ex, even though he’s moved on. When you’re ready to move on, you will. I sincerely doubt a counselor will help you. You’re too smart to need somebody to babysit you so you can talk about your feelings. You have to decide that you deserve a man who wants you, instead of one who doesn’t, and until you do, you’re going to be involved in this mental and emotional cloud that isn’t healthy.

Cutting off ties is a great way to give yourself some space from the failed relationship, so let go of the dog and let him have it, or ask him if you can have it and if he says no, get a new one. As for the business relationship, wrap it up and cut it off. There’s no reason for you to be involved with him in any way any more.

It sounds like the boyfriend you’re with isn’t right for you, simply because you’re not ready to have a boyfriend, yet. You have to really feel single and want a new relationship to have a successful one. As long as you’re lamenting your ex, you’re going to be living in the past enough to keep you from moving forward. 😉

I hope that that helps.

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[coffeeloverxx]

Dear April,
I did buy a new dog to forget about the old dog
. Still doesn’t distract me from my emotional attachment.
He owes me and my family money, which he promises to pay. Money is money, but I would like a just end.
This is why I haven’t cut him off completely. I have him on social media, plus he moved to 2 streets away from me. I’ve spoken to him & told him, he makes it very hard for me to move on. But he insists I’m his best friend and he cares about me & rather not lose me.

[coffeeloverxx]

Also I left out an important detail; the current bf is in the military. I have full trust in him. But he lives in another state/region
So after having a 4yr relationship and living with someone, this is a big change.

[AskApril Masini]

You know, the only question you asked me is if this new guy is right for you, and my response is still that you’re not right for him because you’re not ready for a relationship since you’re still emotionally involved with your ex — and you’re involved with the ex socially, a little, because the loan you made him is keeping you connected, and you’re following him on social media.

I still think that you should cut off all ties with your ex. I know he owes you money, but there are still ways to move that issue forward — IF you want to. 😉 For instance, you could forgive the loan and move on. I don’t know how much money he owes you, but it may be a fair price for your freedom and happiness, if you know what you mean. 🙂 Or you could file in small claims court against him, get a judgment, attach it to his assets and move on — because then the court system can intervene on your behalf. In other words, if you want to let go, there are ways to do so. But it doesn’t sound like you want to. Check in with yourself and see if you’re using this loan to hold on to contact with him.

As for social media, I strongly suggest you stop following him on whatever platforms you’re using to stay connected to him. That’s not helping you move on. And speaking to him and asking him to do what you should be doing (disconnecting), isn’t fair. It’s not his job to move you forward in your life. It’s yours. 😉

The problem you’re having isn’t really about you and this new guy — it’s about you being ready to let go of your past so you can move on at all — with this new boyfriend, or anyone. It’s not easy to move on when you don’t want to, but not everything in life is easy, and relationships are hard work. Time to roll up your sleeves, focus on you and your future, and let go of what doesn’t serve you (your ex).

I hope that helps. 🙂

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