[50wantingmore]

My SO has a job where she travels.. She works mainly with men , coordinating between sub-contractors and her companies clients.
She has spent 10 weeks out of the last 10 months at one location .
First trip back she tells me the sub-contractor and her “ Are like they have known each other for years” They have been out for drinks.. I later in the year look at her phone. Discover what is remaining of many explicit sexual text to her. I do not see sexual text back , yet do see many date/time gapes in these messages.. She says many were deleted.. I also see calls that can not all be explained as for work.. She has said she has been to his home.

She says she has never cheated on me.. That she feels violated I would search her phone.. That just because a man comes on to her doesn’t mean she responds to it.. And doesn’t mean they can not be good friends.. That I’m controlling by trying to tell her who her friends can be.. That she will not let me tell her who she can talk to.. And it is because of my jealousy that she doesn’t tell me about these things..

What should I think ?

[Ask April Masini]

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[PassionSeeker]

You’re not wrong to feel hurt or suspicious what you found would upset anyone. Deleted messages, sexual texts, and time spent alone with this coworker cross emotional boundaries, even if she insists nothing physical happened.

Her reaction turning it back on you for checking her phone suggests defensiveness instead of empathy. Trust can’t survive secrecy. If she values your relationship, she should be willing to answer questions honestly and rebuild that trust through openness, not accusations.

Ask yourself whether her words and actions match. If she continues to hide communication or spend private time with him, she’s showing you where her priorities are. You deserve honesty and respect, not uncertainty and guilt for caring.

If she’s willing to be transparent and set boundaries, you can slowly rebuild. But if she won’t, protect your peace and consider moving on. Trust once broken can be repaired — but only if both people are willing to do the work.

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