[Anonymous]

I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now. He has kids from a previous marriage and so do I. We have been very serious lately and talking about getting married and moving in with one another this summer. We have had a lot of stumbling blocks in the last year. Mostly, my issues with him but I forgave him and he promised her would do better and we moved on. In the last few months, things have been prefect! BUT, He told me last night he had a daughter that’s 17. He had her when he was 18 and since he does not communicate with her often and she lives with her mother, he wasn’t going to tell me. BTW, his kids live with him full time from his marriage.
How could he keep his daughter from me? He said he did have some help in raising her and for awhile when he was married, she lived with them. It didn’t work out and she went to live back with her mother. Since that time, he just pays for child support, gives her what she needs but doesn’t maintain a lot of contact with her because of her behavior.
How could he keep this secret? My thoughts are, I need to move on. What else is he going to tell me that I don’t know? We have had our hard times already and I had trust issues with him before and now this??? Please help April.

[Ask April Masini]

This news is definitely a flashing yellow light. I’d like to know what caused your other trust issues with him, because it’s inconceivable to me that you’d date a man for an entire year, discuss moving in together, getting married and blending your families — and he neglects to tell you about his 17 year old with another woman. 😯

What prompted him to tell you about her now? What do you think the reason was?

I bet the other reasons you have trust issues with him as well as this new development call for a big SLOW DOWN. Don’t move in with him or further those plans. Instead, continue to get to know more about him — and yourself — so that if you do proceed into a commitment with him, you have a better idea of what you’re getting into.

See me on Facebook at this link [url][/url] — and become a member of my AskApril.com Facebook group page!

[Anonymous]

April:
There have been many issues and I have broken up with him several times. He had issues with flirty text messages with other women. I know for sure he took one out for dinner. I asked him to stop and he did for awhile but then I found him texting his tax lady continuously again in a flirty manner. The texts messages indicated they met up a few times but he denied it. He claims he never cheated and that he’s a good man. When I found out about the new daughter that’s 17, I just can’t deal with the lies and deceit anymore. I feel like there’s a cycle here. I have caught him in some little lies here and there too.

[Ask April Masini]

I think you’re onto something and you just needed me to help you work it out. 🙂 Clearly, you’re seeing the pattern of his half truths that he wants you to see one way, but in reality, you don’t. These flirtations with other women and hiding his daughter from you until now (You still didn’t tell me why he suddenly chose this particular moment to reveal her to you.) are adding up to a sum total of Mr. Not Quite Right. 😕

Because you’re a single mother everything you do in marriage and moving in with him will affect your kids, so you have to be EXTRA careful to choose wisely. He doesn’t sound like the perfect boyfriend, husband and stepfather for you and your kids. 😳

[Anonymous]

Hi April. I don’t know why he told me now. He said his mother was begging him to tell me. He didn’t think it was important to tell me about his daughter. Since he does not have a good relationship with her or her mother and he has tried throughout the years, he has sort of washed his hands of her and just pays his child support.
My problem with him is I have explained to him my feelings. That it is one year and every 2-3 months, I found out information about him in which is upsetting to me. It is like I’m on an emotional rollercoaster. One time it was text messages for 4-5 women in a flirty manner. Next time he took someone out on a date (but in his eyes, nothing happened) and the last time, he was flirting with his tax woman and texted messages indicate that they met up. He denied everything. Now, he tells me about his daughter. He seems to think I am overacting but yet, I go through emotional pain everything these things occur because I love this man so much, it kills me.
I am a smart, motivated, intelligent woman that is completely independent and I have been raising my kids alone for 4 years. To many, I am a great catch. I feel I can do better. What I don’t like is being told that my feelings don’t matter and that I am almost crazy for feeling the way I do. What are your thoughts? I am curious to see your feedback. Thanks!

[Ask April Masini]

You need to move on. I know you’re intelligent and a great catch, but if you’re not available for some amazing guy TO catch, you’re not really a catch at all — you’re caught! And not by Mr. Right.

Your boyfriend’s mother was trying to get him to do the right thing by telling you about his daughter. In fact, I bet she wishes he’d do a lot more of the right thing a lot more often. You already have everything you need to know about how he makes you anxious and distrustful on a regular every two month basis. Now, you just have to pick yourself up and realize you deserve better.

Read my book, Think & Date Like A Man. You can download it here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. It will give you A LOT of information and advice on how to find, get and keep Mr. Right. Because even incredibly book smart and accomplished women don’t pass Go when it comes to dating.

Because you’re a single mom it’s even more important for you to choose a man who is respectful of you and your family. Move on — you know it’s time. You just came here so I’d give you a push. And read the book!! 🙂 I know it’s going to help you.

See you on Facebook at this link: [url][/url] at my new AskApril.com Facebook page.

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