[Anonymous]

Hi, I just want someone’s advice out of my family and friends about my relationship. My and boyfriend and i have been together for over 2 years and i think we have a some kind of an abusive relationship. After a year or a bit less than that, whenever we would get into an argument he would call me names, scream/yell so hard, and curse at me. I know this is really unacceptable but i know i can be really annoying and hard to deal with. I sometimes feel that my boyfriend was just fed up at me and couldnt take my bitching and whining almost 24/7 anymore. Although, I know hes been verbally abusive to his ex too, he said hes changed ever since weve been together and just started doing it because of how i treat him. And because he would scream and curse at me when we fight, i would do the same thing to him and now, i would punch him and throw things at him too. I would physically hurt him so just he would stop screaming at me already. This is a really fucked up relationship but do you think it is somewhat acceptable that he would do those things to me when provoked? People dont see how much of a bitch I can be at him and he said that as long as i dont flip out on him without a valid reason, then he can control himself. Should i believe that he can truly change as long as I change myself? I love him because he does everything for me and ca feel that he love me so much, its just that Im scared that he wouldnt be able to change the screaming and cursing. Help!!!

[crazed-driver]

All things get said at the heat of the moment, most of them hurtful. Some things may even hit a nerve. So he may not mean it. However if its happening frequently then either one of your lives aren’t satisfactory and one of you are lashing out and the other one is fighting back. So address whatever is causing it and you both should be able to move on and live a happier life. If both of your lives are satisfactory then it sounds you both just aren’t suited for each other, plus it sounds like he goes over the top as you mentioned his ex. If I was you, I’d try finding out what exactly he was like when he was with her and if he’s the same with you,it shows he hasn’t changed, despite how much he says he has. Also if he’s treating you like he did with her whether its a little or a lot, obviously he’s lying and he hasn’t changed at all and he won’t change either. If tears ever approach because of this form of abuse or violence ever occurs. You shouldn’t think twice or asking for opinions, you should just leave him.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the reply “crazed-driver” =) Me and my boyfriend actually talked for the 100th time about what we should work out on in our relationship and he promised this time that he wouldn’t scream at the top of his lungs and curse at me even if i flip out on him. Hopefully, he can keep up with his promise and be a start of a happier relationship 😀

[crazed-driver]

Even though he may mean it this time he’s also said it in the past. Its highly likely/certain that he will be the same towards you unless he can put whatever is bothering him deep down behind him, he moves on from it or you discuss that issue/issues he may have that you don’t know about, which is causing him to be like this in the first place.

[Anonymous]

one thing i learned in life is that there is no “kinda abusive” i was 18 when i met my ex husband. And he was so sweet he made the bees jealous, but ppl always told me to watch out for “Theo” I always said he would never do anything, about a year later he started saying rude things and inapproriate phrases, then right around 19 we got married and a month later i got pregnant with our first child, and the abuse turned physical, well it took me 5 years to get out of it. i learned in love you have to have physical safety, emotional safety and commitment safety and if you don’t have all three forget it.

[Ask April Masini]

You have a serious problem if you’re hitting him and throwing things at him. Violence is never the right response. 😳 You need to practice self control, and until you are able to control your violent behavior you don’t belong in any relationship because the other person is always going to be at risk of bodily harm.

If you acknowledge that you’re being a witch, then just stop doing that. Once again, you can’t expect to be in any kind of healthy relationship when you think it’s okay for you to behave like a witch. Ever. 🙄

His promises to change have already yielded you more of the same behavior. You’re foolish to expect any subsequent promise to be anything more than breath and words.

Get out of the relationship. Change your own behavior. Practice being kind all the time — and if you can’t be kind, then be civil at worst. Until you can do that, you really don’t belong in any relationship.

Sorry. But if you want real love, you have to start with yourself.

I hope that helps, and do let me know how it goes. I hope you choose to help yourself. Join me on Facebook. You can become a free member at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

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