[AnonymousGirl1997]

I’m 18, female, and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now.
At the start of our relationship I lied about being with other people, exaggerating my sexual past, so I wouldn’t seem like such an inexperienced girl. I didn’t think much of it at the time, it was very early on.
However, he has been completely honest about his sexual past and I have betrayed his trust by lying about mine. I love him so much that I didn’t want to lose him, the more time that passed, the worse it got, eventually I had to come out with the truth, that he was the only man I’d ever properly been with.
Understandably he was very hurt and felt like he couldn’t trust me anymore, I completely understand how he feels and I honestly feel like such a disgusting person for doing this.
I love him so much, I really want to regain his trust, show him how much he means to me and how willing I am to never lie to him again and earn his trust.
We have decided to go on a break for 2 weeks until I get back from university, then decide whether or not we are going to continue our relationship.
I would really welcome any advice on how to show him that he can trust me again and rebuild our relationship, thank you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s good that you told the truth, even if it was late in the game. My advice is to focus on what’s good in the relationship. You already made the mistake and apologized. If you keep picking at the scab it’s going to come off again. Be the girlfriend he wants, and give him the opportunity to process and forgive. 😉

[AnonymousGirl1997]

Thank you for your reply, it really helped.

I told him just over a week ago, we fell out a bit then, but he decided that he could forgive me and we should move forward. I apologised profusely, trying to reassure him that I would never lie to him again. So we were happy for a week, but now that I’m back at university for a few weeks, he now says that he wants to take a break for 2 weeks and re-evaulate our relationship when I get back for a few days. Lying to him is my biggest regret, I just hope that he can see how much I love him.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I know you’re really stressing about getting him back and making things be the way they were — or better. And I know you wish you could make your mistake disappear or take it back. Those are your feelings and they’re valid.

But the reality is the relationship has a life of it’s own, and it’s going through a challenge right now. He may or may not be okay with things and the relationship may or may not work out because of the lie. That he’s taking a break isn’t a good sign. 😕

In the meantime, just be your best self, learn from what happened, decide how and why you’ll do things differently and go easy on yourself. Understand that you lied for a reason, and that reason is no longer important to you because you’ve learned that it’s better to be upfront and possibly lose someone right away, than get invested in a relationship with a lie that will eventually be found out (they always are).

Hang in there!

[Sally]

What you did wasn’t great, but it also wasn’t evil. You lied because you were scared, young, and wanted to be enough. A lot of people do that early on, even if they don’t admit it.

The truth is, you already did the hardest part you told him. You didn’t keep the lie forever. Trust doesn’t come back through big speeches or promises. It comes back through time and consistency. Being calm, answering questions without getting defensive, and not trying to rush his healing matters more than anything you say.

During this break, don’t punish yourself or beg. Just focus on being steady and honest, even when it’s uncomfortable. If he chooses to stay, it’ll be because he sees that this mistake doesn’t define who you are. And if he doesn’t, it doesn’t mean you’re unlovable. It means you learned early.

[Tara]

You didn’t just mess up; you showed him that when you feel insecure, your instinct is to lie and curate a fake version of yourself, and that’s a massive red flag no amount of “but I love him” can erase. You weren’t protecting the relationship; you were protecting your ego, and you let him invest emotionally in someone who didn’t actually exist.

The reason this is such a problem isn’t sex, purity, or experience; it’s that you proved you’re capable of calmly maintaining a lie for a year and only telling the truth when it became unbearable for you, not because it was right. That tells him future honesty is optional when it’s inconvenient. And stop pretending this break is a strategy, it’s a holding pattern while he decides if dating you is worth the constant risk of wondering what else you’ve edited.

You don’t “show” trustworthiness with words, guilt, or effort; you either are consistent over time or you’re not, and right now all you’ve demonstrated is that you crack under insecurity. If he walks away, it won’t be because you were inexperienced; it’ll be because you proved image matters more to you than integrity. Take that lesson seriously, because if you don’t fix that now, you’ll keep lying in future relationships and wondering why people stop believing you.

[Member]

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