[edanigole317]

Hello! Before I jump into things, I’d like to set the stage a bit. I’ve been dating this wonderful, smart, ambitious man for the past two years of my life. I have no complaints! For the past year of our relationship, we’ve maintained a strong long distance relationship as he is going to college very far away from me and our hometown. We have monthly visits and it really has not been a problem. Around five months ago he made the decision to transfer colleges back home to be with me and his friends. He has already set up a house to rent and moves in 6 weeks so everything is finalized. Now that I’ve set the scene, I just want to say that I know my actions are not justifiable. Within the last month I have met and really fallen for another man. I met him through my work and things just really clicked so much better than with my boyfriend. We’ve been intimate for 3 weeks now and things have moved from being just a stupid mistake. Theres a bit of a catch however. The man I’ve been sleeping with is 23 a good 5 years older than me. Although the age gap has not been a problem, I acknowledge that we are both at very different stages in our lives. Please help and give me some advice! I am not sure if I should break up with my current boyfriend! I am worried I am making a huge mistake and will miss out on a wonderful human being. On the other hand, I really really like the new guy I’ve been seeing! Do I break up with my boyfriend who has finalized moving down here and take the chance with the new guy? Do I sit it out? WHEN do I take action?? HELP.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re 18 years old. It’s a time in your life when a lot is possible! It sounds like your boyfriend of several years is transferring colleges to be near you, and this is a commitment. It also sounds like he made the decision without involving you. In other words, it was unilateral and you were told about it, but not consulted first. In the meantime, you’ve met someone else and you’re dating this new guy, too. It’s hard to not imagine that some part of you, deep down, is dating this new guy just as your boyfriend of several years, is moving to be near you to sabotage or act out on your feelings about the move. 😕 Ask yourself if there’s any truth to your avoiding commitment with this long-time boyfriend by dating this new guy. You may not even realize you’re doing this — but now is the time to dig deep and figure out your true motive. This isn’t going to be easy no matter what you do — so remember that, but the reason is because you’re young and looking to see what life has to offer. I think that the commitment the boyfriend initiated by moving to be close to you, scared you.

[Zoha]

That guy is dropping out of college, leaving his career and friends behind, thinking, “I must be waiting.” he has no idea that instead of a “Welcome Home” banner, he’s about to get hit with a “Who’s this new guy?” bombshell. It’s a brutal surprise.
I agree 100% with AskApril that you might be sabotaging the relationship. When your boyfriend suddenly decided to come back, you were scared.
And April is right that having a boyfriend come back is a big “commitment.” You’re so young (18) that you might be trying to escape from this serious relationship, and the new guy is just a way to escape that fear.

[Member]

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