[talia58]

My boyfriend and I have been dating since high school and this is my only serious relationship. We talk about getting married and having kids but finances are holding us back. I am now in my last year of medical school and he has not finished undergrad. He takes classes off and on but he is currently not in school because he says he wants to work and save up money, but it has already been 8 years since he started. I have been concerned about his lack of progress toward a stable career and more so by his lack of clear goals. He is working currently, but he always said he wanted to go to pharmacy school until I recently asked him to write down his goals and there was no mention of pharmacy at all. I have been feeling a lack of confidence in our future together because he has not shown much drive or commitment in finding a career he will enjoy or toward becoming financially stable and he does not like to communicate with me about career or finances. I have no problem making more than my husband, but I want him to have a good career that he enjoys and for us to be comfortable financially. We have discussed my concerns many times but he feels as though I do not understand his situation. I love him and we are compatible in many ways. I know some people take longer than others to find their path in life and I have been trying to be patient. I can’t imagine leaving him but I don’t want to make his life miserable by getting married and being resentful toward him for not having reached the potential I see in him.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m not sure what your question is….

[Sundus]

If he can’t talk about career and money, then he’s not a ‘partner’, but just a ‘passenger’ who is having fun in the car of your success. No serious relationship can last without communication. I think you should leave him and focus entirely on your career.

[Cassian Rowe]

Actually, you are holding on not because of who he is right! But it sounds like because of who you believe he could become. Eight years is not a time to judge your relationship based on time, it’s just a pattern. You may noticed that he is avoiding the conversation together. When someone avoids you to talk about future, it’s means you are losing your relationship slowly.
You are moving and you are about to become a doctor. But, his life seems paused. I know love matters but in a long term, everything is matter like direction , support, respect and stability. You don’t want to lose him but how can you stay with him as he is today. Because building a future based on potential often leads to displeasure later.

[Member]

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