[CLW]

I could use some advice or just some points of view on where I might be going wrong with women.

I’m 22, currently doing my post graduate degree, I have high ambitions of what I want to do in life and what I want to achieve, I have achieved a lot already and have exceeded in everything I have put my mind too, basically I see myself as someone who will be one of the best at anything I do in life. I am independent and have gone after things I want in life. I have recently been in my first serious relationship that lasted 18 months and I supported my girlfriend and respected her and treat her like she was the most important person to me, I have been brought up to be polite, respectful and I never judge or mistreat anyone.

However, over the festive period she kissed another guy and since then our relationship fell to pieces, she didn’t know if she wanted me anymore and we ended up splitting and I moved out a couple of weeks ago and have since been alone. I didn’t want it and didn’t suspect anything like this would happen and it has hit me hard and made me question a lot. My family tell me that any girl would be lucky to have me but it took 21 years before I managed to get into a relationship and I’m beginning to realise that being kind doesn’t really get you anywhere. Logically I am an amazing catch, it may sound like I’m overly confident or big headed but honestly I am the complete opposite and am quite grounded, even under confident.

Women don’t seem to want or chase me, I feel like whenever I am speaking to a girl I’m the one doing the chasing, I showed so much love in my recent relationship and it blew back in my face, I want to find someone who makes me feel like they really want me but I just can’t seem to find it. I’m so confused on where I’m going wrong, it’s not in my nature to ignore or show disinterest in someone and it leaves me quite often being the person on the other end of the phone left waiting. Quite often people say women eventually realise that they want a nice guy but I don’t want to have to wait around for that to happen.
Even though I say that, I get very anxious when dating to the point where I have been ill beforehand in the past. Basically, I am good at managing other aspects of my life but when it comes to relationships or women I’m a mess :p

Any comments would be appreciated,
Chris

[AskApril Masini]

Being smart and successful at academics and career and other aspects of life is a great indication that you can be successful in relationships, but it’s not a sure thing or a slam dunk. So I think the first thing you can do for yourself is to divest yourself of the idea that just because certain successes come easily, others will as well. That sets your expectations to a more normal range and limits your disappointment. 😉

Next, it’s good to understand that relationships are dynamic and fluid and dating is different than marriage — there’s competition and people date until they realize a relationship isn’t working for them, and then they leave it. I know you’re hurt, and break ups do hurt, and people do heal, but I think you may have felt that because you were doing certain things, that insured her commitment. It’s great that you’re a generous person, but you can be over the top generous and if you’re with someone who’s not compatible, it won’t matter because the compatibility is more important than your actions. 😉

It sounds like you may not be ready to date if you’re getting sick from social anxiety. Dating should be fun, not that stressful! I think you’re so focused on winning, and achieving, and while that’s great, you’re losing sight of the forest for the trees. Relax a little bit, and you’ll probably ending up attracting more women by doing so. 😉

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Member]

Posts