[Dan83]

I’m 25 years old and have been dating my g/f for a little over a year. She is the first g/f that I have had sex with. She’s had two other sexual partners. (although they were both very brief relationships) Before her, in college, I had a 2 ½ year long relationship with another girl. Her and I came close, but never all the way to having sex. We were both virgins.

Anyway, while my current g/f and I have had our ups and downs, we are in love. We even have fantasy talks about spending the rest of our life together. Further, while I’m not ready for this yet, she absolutely wants to move in together.

My problem is that I find myself having urges for other women. And that makes me feel guilty. In high school and really, not even college…I was never a confident ladies man. And it would suck not being able to find someone when I was single. Just a crappy date here and there. But now that I’m a bit older and have been in the working world for a couple years…making my own money, have my own place, etc…I have found a certain confidence that was lacking before. I’ve been told that I’m a good looking guy with an extremely great sense of humor….I guess the sexual confidence was the thing lacking before, that now I feel I have, thanks to my current g/f.

So one part of me can see myself spending the rest of my life with my current g/f. She really is a wonderful woman who fully appreciates me for who I am…and I do feel like a lucky man to have her. I also fully appreciate everything that makes her awesome.

But the other part of me wants to continue dating and having sexual relationships with other partners before I settle down. I feel like we’re both still pretty young (she’s early 20s) and I guess I just want more experience in that realm. I mean, she’s had other partners before me. Ug, does this sound really shallow and immature?!

My fear is that I’m taking my wonderful, committed g/f for granted by thinking this way. Further, it makes sense that when you find someone special that you truly connect with, it should be something that you fully appreciate. Which I do.

So that’s where my confusion lays. I feel that if I broke up with my g/f because I wanted to date other people…I’d feel incredibly stupid and at a deep loss when 6 months down the line, I’m single and haven’t dated anyone…and regretting losing my g/f who truly loved me.

Can anyone offer some perspective for me?

Thank you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Life is full of choices, and often they’re not easy because choosing requires loss. It’s so clear that you don’t want to lose your girlfriend if you don’t find something better out there, but the reality is that you’re a young man who wants to experience more of the world, and as long as you’re with this girlfriend you’re not going to be true to yourself. When you do find a woman that you truly want to move in with and marry it will be because you’re ready to commit. Right now, you’re not ready. It’s not anyone’s fault, but if you’re not honest with her about this, it will be (yours).

She may want to move in with you, but you don’t want to move in with her because it’s going to keep you from exploring single life. It’s time for you to be true to yourself.

I hope that helps. Let me know what you do, and I hope you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter, and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Dan83]

I appreciate your answer. Thank you April! In thinking about it more, and realizing how much I truly do love my girlfriend, I think I’m going to continue fully committing to her. She really is a great woman. And I feel blessed to have her. Plus, because I am young, and am enjoying my girlfriend so much, I don’t think there’s any pressure to end it, especially for the “wrong” reasons. (I know they’re not wrong, but they feel wrong). Further, I don’t think I’m going to pressure myself in worrying about moving in too soon, or getting married, having kids, and spending the rest of my life with one woman. That stuff is in the future. And right now, I just have this moment. And in this very moment, I love my girlfriend with all of my heart and enjoy the world between us that we’ve created. So until that ends or starts having significant strain, I’m not going to worry about it. Or, she might dump me for the same exact reason!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you made a very thoughtful decision, and it sounds like a good one for now. I like the idea that you’ll not move in with her, giving her the wrong idea and thereby allowing you more time to explore your relationship with her and get to know your own needs as well.

Good luck! Glad I was able to help.

I hope you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook: [url][/url].

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