[angelface]

hey april..
please help.. I feel like my hearts tearing into a 100 little pieces.

My bf is 20 and I am 22. We’re almost a year and a half apart. I graduated from dental school this year and Im waiting to do my internship. Hes doing medicine, and needs another 3 years to graduate. I am a very conservative girl, and although we both come from the same cultural background , he still does things that are frowned upon in our culture like alcohol, sex and drugs.

We’ve been going out for a little over two years now, and things have been great. he treats me like a queen, always listens , cares , gifts, dinners, you name it he did it. Hes also changing alot for me, which i thought was great. He has showed his love by introducing me to his family as his future wife and lover (which in our culture its unaccepted to bring a girl home to your parents unless you are married) I loved him with my heart and soul. He was my life, the reason I wake up in the morning.. He was my everything

Anyways , things began to fall apart this summer. although i was away for a few months we used to txt and call all the time. and he said how much he missed me and loves me . however, i came back to a different reality. he was acting weird, he didnt like to see me much or was on guard when he did. I later found out that he was cheating on me with this girl from his school, he said it was nothing that he missed me and he was lonely. What hurts the most is the fact that i had to find out for it to end. anyways, he begged pleaded and cried. he told me he was sorry and did everything in his power to fix things. months passed by and after doing some pretty nasty things to him i thought i was able to forgive him and move on

since then, i found out that he still flirts with other girls, but its completely platonic like he says. I hate it and i cant stand it.My feelings for him have changed too. All those years I’ve always gotten butterflies when I see him, this time it was as if Im only with him cause I dont know how to be without him.

Hes starting school soon, and Im finding a very hard time not being on his back 24/7 because everything he does everything he says, makes me feel insecure. Like I always have to prove myself to him, how sexy i am how beautiful i am. Ive became obsessed about him cheating on me to a point where its all I can think about when we’re not together. I know i lost faith and trust in him, but i dont know how to get it back and its driving me crazy! Its starting to take over my life .. Sometimes I feel like i love him and I cant live without him, and sometimes I just think i love him because of how Much iM used to having him around..
what shud i do …
Was i stupid for taking him back? Do i still love him? Should we break up.. ?

I can shut the little voice in my head that tells me that any minute now hes going to cheat?
help me april!!

[Ask April Masini]

Here’s what’s going on that you may not realize. He’s 20 and has been dating you since he was 18. That means he hasn’t had a lot of dating experience before he met you. While at 22 with your dental school graduation behind you and a super career underway, you’re ready to get married and settle down. He is not in the same boat — and it’s not because of you. It’s because of his age and where he is in his life.

He’s still got 3 more years of school, which is actually a lot from where he sits. And he cheated on you while you were away this summer and what that cheating did was make him realize that he isn’t done experiencing the world and women just yet. There is nothing you did wrong here — he is not ready to commit to you the way you want and it’s the first time in your relationship that you’re realizing this.

Here’s what I want you to remember: If you do marry anyone, you want that man to have sowed his oats and to have decided YOU are the cream of the crop and that he’s not settling — he’s choosing the first place prize. In order for a man to do this, he has to have experienced the amount of women HE PERSONALLY needs to experience to realize you’re IT for him. Some men are ready at 18. Some men are never ready. You need to find a man who is — and I’m not necessarily advising you break up with this guy, but acknowledge that you chose someone who isn’t ready for THE commitment you are just yet.

Your choice is to be loose and win him over (read Think & Date Like A Man [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]) but know that you will be having competition. Or, decide that you are in the stage of your life where you want to take that next step and settle down and marry and he’s just not on the same time table you are, making him a wonderful boyfriend for when he was that, but not the man of your dreams today. Tough choice, but maybe not. Put your feelings on the shelf and make a decision with your brain. It’s going to come down to you and what you want and your ability to take care of yourself knowing who your boyfriend truly is.

I hope that helps — let me know how it goes. And please join me on Facebook. I’d love to have you there, and here’s that link: [url][/url].

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